Collaborative Fan Fiction 3

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Collaborative Fan Fiction 3

Postby JerrBear » Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:10 pm


This all looked too familiar. The sense of foreboding, the darkness, the smell of decay. He immediately knew where he was, he just didn't want to comprehend it! Rich kicked a rock down the trail and cursed to himself. He was in the Shadow Woods.

The young man had two options. The first one was he could turn around and drive down the trail. That meant going far deeper into the Shadow Woods. Then he'd probably end up running into some Redneck Treants and not surviving the night. The memories of lewd suggestions and gestures made him shudder in revulsion. No way was he going to take that route!

That left the second option. Try to get to the dark mansion and survive on the way there. At least that was less suicidal. Unless the volatile Firecrackerx decided to use him as a punching bag, or Evil Ben decided to spit him and roast him over a fiery pit. Rich concentrated and imagined himself as the Ghost Rider. He had done this before, but this time he opted not to have the flaming skull for a head and to add his own personal touches. A sawed-off shotgun appeared in his right hand, much shorter than the one he had before. Instead of a leather jacket, he now wore a long-coat. In his left hand, he now had a chain that would extend at his command.

The teenager smiled to himself. If anyone else, other than Penny and the man who helped them, knew he used to read Ghost Rider he'd've died of embarrassment. Just as he was about to get on his motorcycle, he clutched his stomach and doubled over in pain. The queasy feeling intensified and the world started spinning.

Then he heard whistling, and the words Magic Moments being sung.

* * * *

"Sorry about that queasy feeling," a familiar voice said, "Teleportation spells tend to do that."

Rich bolted upright. "JerrBear!"

JerrBear hadn't changed that much. Still overweight, still wearing a bowler hat, still dressed casually, and still sporting facial hair. The man sat at a desk, drinking a cup of tea. His rapiers were leaning up against the wall behind him.

Rich frowned. "Take a seat," JerrBear said.

"What about my bike?"

"Firecrackerx is taking care of it," answered Jerr, "She'll take good care of it."

Rich looked around at his surroundings. The ebony desk must've cost a fortune. Each red wall had two torches on them. The one behind Jerr had two windows. The redwood floors had obviously been polished. Rich sat down in one of the soft chairs in front of the desk.

"How the hell did I end up here?" Rich asked.

"A little bit of you, a little bit of us," Jerr cryptically answered, smirking.

Rich stood up and slammed his fists against the desk. "Like fuck I had anything to do with this!"

JerrBear smirked again. "You did," he answered simply, "Just like me, and most of the other humans here."

Rich sat back down. "Explain," he demanded, "And please turn of that old ass music!"

"You don't like Perry Como's "Magic Moments"?"

"It's annoying!"

Jerr sighed, "If I could, I would. I pissed Coyote off and he cursed me with this song."


"He's a trickster God." JerrBear said, "I stole his boyfriend, so he cursed me with the song. I had to retire from assassination because the marks kept hearing it!"

"So why am I here?"

Jerr took a last sip of his tea and poured Rich and himself two cups. "I'll explain our part first," he said, "Evil Ben sent out a calling spell. It's a spell that calls to people who have a place here in the Shadow Woods."

Rich connected the dots, "So I'm one of these people?"

"Yes. Now on to the why and your part," Jerr explained, "I did some research, and you've been bored out there. Constantly picking fights with other bikers and gang members, never staying in one spot too long, you're always on the move.

You may not want to admit it, but you missed the challenges a place like this can offer."

"Bullshit." Rich replied.

Jerr chuckled. "The calling spell only works if you answer it. We need security here. We'll pay you well."

"Send me back," Rich demanded.

"Here's a deal," Jerr offered, "Fire and I will train you. The human imagination isn't enough here to fight with: you need skills. Anyway, work for us for three months and you're done; with a bonus added to your pay. We'll send you back to your world, if you so choose."

Rich sat in silence for a few minutes. "And if I don't agree?"

"You'll be stuck here." Jerr said, extending out a contract and pen.

"This is bullshit you know!" Rich muttered as he signed his name.

JerrBear picked up a phone and dialed a number. "Yes, Swayhambhu. He's signed the contract, I'll have someone escort him to you."

* * * *
Freemage wrote:Jerrbear: Thank you, for establishing once and for all, why Lesbians Are Hot. :P

Michael Ezra wrote:...Seriously, a MANNEQUIN? At this time, I can't help but recall JerrBear's words
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Postby Stratburst » Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:34 pm

A breath in the darkness. Red eyes glowed. A deep breath rattled in its lungs. It was time. The creature had learned so much. Now it was time to use those lessons, to serve its true master.

It had no illusions of what it was now. It had seen too much, done too much. Stripped of its foolish beliefs, it now contemplated the abyss, and yearned to take its place among the lords of the dark, to plunge the rest of the world into that darkness and laugh as they screamed. How could it sustain the faith in a loving God when God's love only brought hatred and pain? How could it believe in God's creation when the world it had been born into had only taunted and tormented it for so long? The milk of human kindness was a lie. Now it was time to throw that gall back into their faces.

Every humiliation, every moment where it felt worthless and helpless, pulsed through its mind, fueling its fury. Snakes of hatred, biting into its soul, the venom bringing up more loathsome images. Raw memories like stale vomit, painfully savoured.

It smiled; the last shreds of what it used to be were as dead as last year's weeds. Those memories belonged to someone else now: someone weak, someone worthless. Now there was only hatred, only vengeance.

It clapped its hands together and twin dragons exploded into being, coiling around its arms. For a brief moment, it gloried in its power. Yes, those snakes of memory still bit into her mind, but they brought only rage. It would no longer feel pain, no longer feel hurt. Those it would save for the enemy.

Charlotte Simms was dead. Now there was only Baalshazzora.

(to be continued . . .)
Papuasblya wrote:Oh, Stratty, you made me get my heart meds re-calibrated...
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Postby JerrBear » Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:18 pm

Bhaalshazzora cackled gleefully as she summoned Shadow Demons and Hell Fiends to aid her in her assault against the mansion.

"You're not ready yet," a voice hissed as Bhaalshazzora heard a record scratch in the distance. Charlotte's body slumped and she pouted her lips. "I wanna attack nooooooooooow though!" she whined at Azrael44, "I'm so boooored!"

Azrael clicked his tongue. He enjoyed the Simms girl's enthusiasm, as well as many other things about her for the past month. Much better than the complaints of most of his other servants. Though he had to admit that the complaining was also a turn on. "Not yet, my pet," he chided.

Bhaalshazzora let out a long aww. She plopped down in her comforter chair and sulked.

A pillar of flame appeared in front of her. Out stepped her master, dressed in a blood red business suit. Bhaalshazzora's face flushed as he walked towards her.

"As I said," he started, "Not yet. In a week your allies will be here. Until then, amuse yourself by torturing those redneck treants you so love to eviscerate."

* * * *

"Dad!?" Rich exclaimed.

"Doppelganger 4502!" Jerr snapped, "I told you not to use a form that will confuse the boy!"

Rich bit back a retort. He watched Doppelganger 4502 shapeshift into a gray, genderless, humanoid shape. "I couldn't help myself," 4502 admitted, "Still..."

Rich's eyes widened when 4502 changed into Penny. Penny smiled, "Perhaps this is more suiting?"

Then 4502 changed again. "Maybe this!" he cooed as he hugged Rich's body, "Stanny-Boy always did have a thing for you." Rich started sweating and mumbling.

Jerr sighed, "Just take him to Swayhambhu!"

* * * *
Freemage wrote:Jerrbear: Thank you, for establishing once and for all, why Lesbians Are Hot. :P

Michael Ezra wrote:...Seriously, a MANNEQUIN? At this time, I can't help but recall JerrBear's words
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