Damocles wrote:Anticipating new "Thunderbolt Lisa" superhero spinoff comic....You know you wannit.
Issue #1 (Also available with collectible Stan-hair variant cover!)
THE LEGEND OF THE THUNDERBOLT TRICKSTER: Who She Is and How She Came to Be
When not so mild-mannered Lisa Winklemeyer showed up for her volunteer shift at the animal shelter, her friends were less than pleased.
"What. The #@$*. Are you wearing?" said the even less mild-mannered Penny.
"Lisa," said Aggie, "have you forgotten we're shunning Stan after what he did to Brandi?"
"I haven't forgotten. The thing is, our washing machine broke down this morning, and this--" Lisa indicated her form-fitting white t-shirt with "s"-shaped lightning-bolt insignia and blue short-shorts bearing the same pattern-- "is all I had left to wear."
"And what about that?" said Penny, jabbing repeatedly at Lisa's red baseball cap sporting yet another lightning bolt logo, two locks of light-brown stage hair, and two copper lightning bolts protruding from either side of the locks.
"Shrug. Our shower head's busted too. Couldn't wash my hair."
Aggie sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Let's get to work."
Inside the shelter, Penny was soon on cloud nine playing with the cats, while Aggie poured out chow for the dogs. Lisa found a cage with an occupant she hadn't seen before. "Hel-lo! What's this? Looks like...heyo, it's a coyote cub. They must've found it in the ravine or something. D'aww."
She sniffed and scrunched up her nose. "Ew! And it needs a bath like whoa. I'll do the honors, I guess." She filled a tub with tepid water, grabbed soap and a brush, and took the cub out of its cage. "Okay, Wile E., let's get you clean." The coyote, however, had other ideas. No sooner had the water reached its paws than it bit Lisa on the arm, then ran and jumped back in its cage, which Aggie promptly shut. "OW! Mother *#@er!" said Lisa, loudly enough to set all the dogs barking.
A woman in her mid-thirties, wearing a lab coat and sensible shoes, ran in. "What's wrong?"
Lisa told her.
"Tsk. You should've asked before handling that cub. It's a new genetically-engineered specimen, with enhanced trickster capabilities, we've been looking after for the college research department until it's ready for testing."
"Testing?" said Aggie between clenched teeth.
"Not now, Ag. Let it go," said Penny, placing a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder. Aggie, distracted by a sudden, not-unpleasant tingling sensation, forgot what had set her off.
"Well, no harm done," said the woman. "Looks as though the critter's safely back in its cage. I'll just get the first-aid kit for that bite of yours."
When their shift was over, the girls walked out with Penny, who had offered them a lift home. As they approached the long slope up to her car, an unexpected thunderstorm broke out. "Aagh! My new suede jacket," said Penny. "Run! C'mon!" They struggled uphill, as the lightning grew brighter and more frequent, the thunder faster and louder. Finally, out of breath, Penny drew near the car and beeped it open. "You...here...Aggie?"
"I'm...here... Where's...Lisa? ...Lis?"
They turned around. Lisa, two yards down, had tripped over her shoelace and lightly skinned her knee. "I'm--ow--okay. Let me just pick myself up--there. Boy, this just isn't my--"
A blast of lightning struck her, causing the copper "s"-es on her cap to glow. An instant later, a blinding yellow light engulfed her, shutting her out from view.
"LISAAAAA!" said her friends, shielding their eyes. Then, almost as soon as it began, the storm ceased. Slowly, cautiously, Penny and Aggie lowered their hands from their faces and looked. In the spot where Lisa had stood, there was now only a smoldering badge with a head-shot of Stan.
"Oh...no," said Penny, turning pale.
"Oh God. My...my best friend," said Aggie. She fell to her knees and shook a fist at the distant, silent heavens. "Why her? Take me instead. Take meee..."
Wait a minute, thought Penny. Since when does lightning completely disintegrate what it hits?
Aggie was inconsolable, and more than a tad irritating. "You!" she said, pointing upward. "I only just recently got over my mom, and now you had to go and take Lisa!"
"You called?" said a familiar voice behind them.
Penny and Aggie turned. There, hovering two feet high in front of them, was Lisa.
"Lisa!" said Aggie. "Oh, I could kiss you."
"Nah, you had your chance. But still, wooo! What a rush. All this power inside of me. Check it." She did a quick barrel roll, then touched her feet to the ground, lifted Penny's car above her head, and posed as if she were about to throw it.
"Don't you dare!" said Penny, hands upside her face in horror. "I haven't finished paying that off yet."
"Just kidding. Why would I waste time tossing cars around like some guy on the cover of a 1938 comic, when I can use my new electro-genetic powers to fight crime wherever it may rear its lame-ass head? For with great power comes great irrepressibility!"
"Uh, I don't think that's how it goes," said Aggie.
"Shut up, shut up. Lemme think. I have the super-abilities; I have the costume (though I think I'll lose the Stan-hair, which doesn't really fit my new shtick); now I just need a sobriquet. Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot. Well, a bit less cowardly if they're packin'. Still. My name must be able to strike terror into their hearts. Hm, maybe something having to do with that which gave me my powers. Howww abouuut...Big Flashy-Thing Coyote? Nah."
"How about Zeus Lykaios, an epithet for the Greek thunder god in his canine aspect? I could write you some publicity sonnets," said Aggie.
"Nnnno. But thanks."
Penny thought for a moment. "What about just Thunderbolt Trickster?"
"Perfect! Way to go, Pen. I shall become a Thunderbolt Trickster!"
"Hmph. No one ever likes my classical poetry," said Aggie under her breath.
And thus was born this weird figure of the dye...this annoyingly amazing (or is it amazingly annoying?) avenger of evil, Thunderbolt Trickster.
Next Ish: The Case of the Lax Lambaster!