BRANDI (starting to walk out to the student parking lot exit
): Anyway, I don't see why he's been all "Wah don't hurt me" ever since our hook-up. It's not as though the handcuff spikes were that sharp, and I only had the eggbeater on medium speed...Oh, Meg's gone. Just as well, I almost forgot we're not supposed to like each other. Meow meow. And I'm talking to myself for some reas--oh crap.
What up, yo?
BRANDI (rolling eyes
DIRK: So how be da Queen a' da East Si-yeed, yo yo yo? Me, I'se keepin' mah jive freshizzle on da down-low, too slow--uh?
(BRANDI puts her arms on his shoulders and locks eyes with him
BRANDI: Dirk. Listen to me. I know you love that mash-up of Shaft
, Hammer, Martin Lawrence and Jay-Z goin' on in that head of yours, but in case you've forgotten, you. Are. White. And not Rich-, Jack- or even Stan-white, seeing as your dad made the Fortune 500 again last year. Get it?
DIRK: Uhhhhm...so I should lose the chest-clock here?
BRANDI: For starters, yeah. Gotta run, sorry. (Speed-walks out the door
) Rrr. Thank God it's Friday. And again I'm talking to--
BRANDI'S PHONE: ♫ Ay amor es una tortura perderte / Yo sé que
BRANDI: Hello? Oh, hey, Penny. You home yet?
(Cut to PENNY in her car, and yes, she's using a hands-free model
PENNY: Hey Brandi. No, but I'm heading there. Aggie's making a stop at her house first; then we're both going to my place. Anyway, just wanted to make sure you're coming over tomorrow night? --Great. So I'll--yes
, I'll stop calling him a gerbil if he promises to stop calling me "celebrity blonde" names. --Okay, okay
, I'll stop anyway. Sheesh. Bye.
(PENNY'S room. PENNY is sitting on the bed with CHARLES in her lap. AGGIE brings in FINISTER in his cage and sits down beside her.
AGGIE: Well, here goes. You're sure Charles won't try to eat him?
PENNY: Please. He is such a diva. Or divo, whatever you call the neutered male version. He only eats Premium Extra-Moist Tuna Blend by Stuff White Cats Like®.
AGGIE: "Stuff White Ca--?"...All right. Let's just let the boys sniff each other from opposite sides of the cage for a bit.
(The two pets do so, uneventfully. PENNY looks at AGGIE, who nods and pops the cage open. FINISTER crawls out and sniffs CHARLES, then licks him. CHARLES purrs and licks him back.
PENNY: D'awww so kyewwwt...
AGGIE: Hee. Yeah. (Beat
) Hey, y'know what this reminds me of? Ever read the fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials
? It's sort of like the Narnia series, only not Christian, in fact Philip Pullman said he wrote it in response to--
PENNY: Get to the point, Duane.
AGGIE: Heh. 'K, I deserved that. Anyway, it takes place in parallel worlds, and in one of those worlds people's souls are outside their bodies, in the form of animals called daemons. Now you're not supposed to touch someone else's daemon without asking, but sometimes when two people fall in love with each other, their daemons spontaneously start nuzzling and licking each other. That's what these guys here reminded me of.
PENNY: Huh. That's pretty funny.
AGGIE: Yeah. Funny.
PENNY: Um. (Blushes and looks away
AGGIE: Er. (Does the same
PENNY: So-o-o...was it hot when Fred ripped off his shirt before, or what?
AGGIE: Oh. Oh yeah, total yummers.
PENNY: That boy's chest is so firm and taut you could bounce a quarter off it.
AGGIE: Totally. And his midriff: you could've used it as a washboard, back in the old days.
PENNY: That's already an expression. "Washboard abs." Just sayin'.
AGGIE: Oh, right.
PENNY: It's fun to drool over gay guys, isn't it?
AGGIE: Oh, yeah. 'Cause you know it's safe.
PENNY: Right. Nothing can possibly come of it, so it's okay.
BOTH: Boys are awesome.