If Other Writers Wrote P&A

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Postby Makkabee » Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:26 pm

If Rumiko Takahashi were writing this story Aggie would still be unable to confess her love to Marshall, or even talk to him, until an ancient family trait (prophesied by her speculation about gender swapping) turned her into a boy, at which point she and Marshall would become bishie boy best friends and she would STILL pine for him and be unable to admit her feelings. He in time would develop feelings for her (or him, the jury's still out), but be equally unable to express them and neither would have a clue that the other was interested in anything more than friendship. Penny and Karen would both lust after Marshall but effectively cock-block each other, leaving him still single but Aggie even more convinced she doesn't have a chance with him. Also, Penny would be revealed to be an alien ice princess from the planet Saturn.

And of course everybody would sublimate their sexual tension by constantly beating the crap out of each other.
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Postby bunnybraat » Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:27 pm

If Isaac Asimov wrote the comic the injustice gang would be robots! ;)

Tomatococo, if Jeph were writing this there would be bursts of involved storyline mixed with weeks and weeks of indie garble and sexual frustration. Is Aggie the "Martin" of P&A???
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Postby Trefle » Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:51 pm

If Randy K. Milholland wrote the comic....ohwaithedid

anyway, if RKM wrote the comic permanently, everyone will Took A Level On Being A Deadpan Snarker Or Maybe Like Five Hundred. Hilarious bashing of any subculture will be inevitable but acceptable enough (and did have a point mostly) not for people to went crazy. Penny (or Aggie, which one's believable) will suffer from a terrible luck in love. And I think it's safe to say that Charlotte's rape video will be the LEAST cruel act that was and will ever done. Not that she will slither free from it all, anyway.

Oh, and whenever it decides to go on drama, it will feels like a punch in the gut SO DEEP.

And add some D&D or GURPS reference and we're done here.
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Postby Makkabee » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:02 am

bunnbraat wrote:If Isaac Asimov wrote the comic the injustice gang would be robots! ;)


Ike didn't do the evil robot schtick. The injustice gang lives to violate the first law.

trefle wrote:If Randy K. Milholland wrote the comic....ohwaithedid


Randy drew some P&A stories, but T wrote the scripts for them.
Last edited by Makkabee on Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Davidj » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:02 am

bunnbraat wrote:If Isaac Asimov wrote the comic the injustice gang would be robots! ;)



That wouldn't be obeying the Three Laws. No, if Asimov wrote the comic, all of this would be the back story to how Penny and Aggie between them create a secret society which controls the fate of humanity for centuries to come.
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Postby justvisiting » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:08 am

Trefle wrote:And I think it's safe to say that Charlotte's rape video will be the LEAST cruel act that was and will ever done. Not that she will slither free from it all, anyway.


Oh, not at all. She'd probably get caught and wind up in juvie. Whereupon she'd make the acquaintance of a little blue hallucination and either mistake it for an angel or scream about being tormented by demons.

Come to think of it, maybe that explains her current problems.
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Postby Pakash » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:36 am

Back here for another go, because today's comic thread is (understandably) reaaaally depressing.

***

If Pete Abrams of Sluggy Freelance wrote P&A, Finister would be the cute hyperactive ditzy talking pet, while Charles would be the outrageously sociopathic, near-omnipotent, knife-wielding pet. Stan would be the upbeat, goofy male lead, with periodic bouts of melancholy due to guilt over failing to save Alternate-Universe Michelle from dying of starvation. His best friend Jack would be the strong silent type, always designing bizarre inventions and having to check his notes when they inevitably failed. Aggie would be the Unlucky Everygirl and Penny, though fundamentally a good person, would occasionally turn to an evil grimoire for revenge against her exes and rivals, but would either get the spells comically wrong or become possessed by the demonic Guiliani.
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Postby Hasedoki » Wed Oct 29, 2008 12:48 am

Penny, who is ever so sweet and kind, is the most popular heroine! Even Aggie, the outcast because of her purple rainbow star, can't help but find herself attracted. Oh how she tries to cover up her true feelings with mean words and pranks!

But no matter how many disagreements they have, everyone is friends in the end!

Ann Marie Capalija . . . My Little Pony . . .
Or . . .

A figure with hair that seemed to glow purple stalked the barren landscape. The wind at it's back, it kept moving. During twilight the only things to be found here were disease and foul beasts. In silence it seemed to be searching for something . . . but what?

Without warning a shriek pierced the air, followed immediately by a beautiful girl emerging from a rock formation not far from our searcher. She was young and beautiful, with her clothes torn and frayed to expose far too much of herself. She ran straight for the figure, hoping that someone- anyone- would save her.

Behind her chased a fearsome ghoul. As suddenly as it's grotesque form had appeared, it vanished. The miasma emitting from the searcher was far too potent- it wouldn't dare come any closer. Even the undead could fear something like that.

The girl looked up at her savior's face. It was beautiful beyond words- just looking at the face made her flush with excitement. This had to be a mirage. Surely no one could really be this good looking. Finally finding words the girl said, "M-my name is Penny."

Hideyuki Kikuchi- Vampire Hunter D
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Postby ThunderEcho » Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:12 am

"How the Grinch Karen stole Marshall"

Every "Who's Who" down in Whoville liked Marshall a lot
But the Grinch named Karen thought him most hot
She plotted and planned and she schemed and stole
To take Marshall's heart away from them was her goal
She loved Marshall! He caused Karen mating season
His rippling biceps and pretty face were the reason
That she didn't deserve him the Whos knew on sight
But to get him forever, that crazy Karen would fight
It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, Her heart or her shoes,
She stank up Penny and Aggie, hating the Whos
Staring down from her cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in Who town.
For she knew every girl Who down in Whoville beneath,
Was dreaming of becoming Marshall's manhood's sheath
"And they're creaming their stockings!" she snarled with a sneer,
That day a Who's Who got him was The Grinch Karen's darkest fear
Then she growled, with her Grinch Karen fingers drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop those girls from coming!"
For that day, she knew, all the Who girls and gay boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their sex toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the humming hum Noise!
That's one thing she hated! The sex toy NOISE!
Then every Who's Who, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And on Marshall they'd feast! And they'd feast and they'd FEAST!
They would feast on Marsh-pudding, and rare Marsh-roast beast.
To share Marsh was something Karen couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something she liked least of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Marshall's balls ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Who's Whos would start singing!
They'd sing of Marsh! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
And as Grinch Karen thought of this whole Who Marshall sing,
The more this Grinch Karen thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"I MUST stop these Whos from coming! I must, but HOW?"
Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH KAREN GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I'll steal Marshall away!" She though with a growl
"I'll steal Marshall away... Then listen to them howl!"
So she called her dog Helen. Then she took some red thread,
And she tied a big horn on the top of Helen's head.
She loaded bungee cords and a big empty sack, just like a felon
On a ramshackle sleigh to which she hitched up old Helen
Then the Grinch Karen said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where Marsh and the Whos Lay asnooze in their town
Every Who window was dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When she came to the His little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," old Grinchy Karen hissed,
And she climbed to the roof, the empty sack in her fist.
Then she slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue.
Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
She snuck to his room, and tied him up like roast pheasant!
She slickly stuffed him in the sack, did Grinch Karen very nimbly,
She stuffed that sack, all at once, right up the chimney!
All the Whos were still asnooze When she packed up her sled,
And made Helen haul it home, the horn still on her head
"PoohPooh to the Whos!" Karen was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now there's no Marshall for their coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then every Who's Who down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch Karen, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So she paused. And the Grinch Karen put her hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
She stared down at Whoville! The Grinch Karen popped her eyes!
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who's Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any Marshall at all!
She HADN'T stopped any of them from coming! THEY CAME!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!
And the Grinch Karen, with her grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"They came without Marshall! And she swore and she swore!
And she puzzled three hours, till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch Karen thought of something she hadn't before!
"Maybe Marshall," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Marshall...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch Karen's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
She whizzed with Marshall through the bright morning light,
Down into Whoville, whipping poor Helen and riding her sleigh
Grinch Karen rode straight into Whoville to share Marshall for play!
They brought out the sex toys! And the food for the Marsh feast!
And she, SHE HERSELF! The Grinch Karen carved the Marsh-roast beast!

I'm very proud of myself.
Last edited by ThunderEcho on Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:34 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby admiralshazbot » Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:27 am

Thunder, you should be.
Hmm...
If Dave Barry wrote this comic, it would've lasted four strips and then all the characters would've been killed by an exploding toilet.
If M. Night Shyamalan wrote it, it would be called "The Town" and Aggie would be an avenger sent by God to kill Penny. (But we wouldn't find that out until the end.)
If Jimmy Carter wrote P&A, no one would care.
Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.
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Postby Papuasblya » Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:27 am

ThunderEcho wrote:"How the Grinch Karen stole Marshall"

Every "Who's Who" ...

The Grinch Karen carved the Marsh-roast beast!

I'm very proud of myself.


+10
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Postby Trefle » Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:47 am

justvisiting wrote:
Trefle wrote:And I think it's safe to say that Charlotte's rape video will be the LEAST cruel act that was and will ever done. Not that she will slither free from it all, anyway.


Oh, not at all. She'd probably get caught and wind up in juvie. Whereupon she'd make the acquaintance of a little blue hallucination and either mistake it for an angel or scream about being tormented by demons.

Come to think of it, maybe that explains her current problems.

Add that people WON'T be sad about it. And it's for the luls only.
And add a certain teddy bear rescuer to love her when she's in juvie....
and maybe a burn scar.

@Makkabee : Ah, sorry. Didn't know that.
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Postby Pakash » Wed Oct 29, 2008 2:10 am

Well done, ThunderEcho! Huzzah! The imagery of Helen as sled-dog, with horns tied to her head, was particularly inspired.

All this needs is the Boris Karloff vocals from the animated version:

You're a mean one, Karen Grinch
You really are a jerk
You're almost as bad as Charlotte
You're a nasty piece of work
Karen Grinch
If you registered for this forum
I wouldn't even let you lurk

You're a monster, Karen Grinch
You use your "friends" as tools
You learned from your two mentors
Then you played them both for fools
Karen Grinch
If you were a man I'd kick you
Right in the family jewels

You're a foul one, Karen Grinch
When you go out on the hunt
You ply your "friends" with liquour
Milk them when they're at their most blunt
Karen Grinch
The three words that best describe you
Are, and I quote:
"Bitch. Shrew. (Censored by the network)."
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Postby ThunderEcho » Wed Oct 29, 2008 4:29 am

Outstanding follow-up encore Pakash!
*Cue thunderously echoing applause here*
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Postby MudFlap33 » Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:23 am

If Bill Watterson wrote P&A, Aggie would always have Finister with her, and they would converse when no one else was around. She was philosophize about life with a huge vocabulary. She would have a deeply-denied crush on Penny that she tries to express by being mean and weird, she'd have a club called Get Rid Of Slimy bitcheS, her fear of Karen would drive her to perform insane pranks that rarely work, and Rich would beat her up daily for her lunch money. Principal Giuliani would know her well. Nick wouldn't understand her at all. Also, the cast would be much smaller. Oh, and during MacBeth, she'd get stuck in her costume in the bathroom and try to shout her lines from backstage.
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