plus my husband not having anything done, plus the fact that I haven't eaten anything. It doesn't matter, I'm too pissed off to be hungry anyway. So I got super-upset when I was barely started caulking, and I kicked the shower wall (because I am a stupid, violent person), and I didn't know what to do. I went to sit outside, but that won't work, because my grandma is across the street and will wonder what's wrong. So I came back inside, sat in the front room (which is a mess because it's one of the rooms we haven't even touched yet), and just cried like sixteen cups of water because I am just so fucking frustrated and I hate living here where everyone knows me and I hate having to explain myself to people who should just accept the fact that I'm upset and quit trying to undermine it.
I am stressed out and I hate my life and I don't want this anymore because I never wanted any of it in the first place. And I can't do anything about any of it.
You're not a stupid violent person. You're a highly intelligent and (deservedly) frustrated fighter with a lot on your plate. I have a lot of admiration for you for dealing with all that crap with your limited resources and trying to take care of someone on the side and crusading for liberal justice in your spare time. However you need to pick your battles. Focus on the shit you can control, serenity to accept what I cannot blah blah...I don't feel like giving an atheist translation of a Christian prayer.
Get that SERENITY. Get music, get headphones, get deep breathing and imagine yourself on a beautiful island, where the crystalline sands are white as snow and the azure ocean mirrors the cerulean sky with you in between this mirrored hallway to Infinity
on a nice chaise lounge
with a Dragon Fly
in your hand (vodka, melon liqueur, lime juice, and apple juice) The only thing you can smell is a clean ocean breeze with a hint of coconut oil baking off the lean tanned limbs of hula girls
as they gently fan you with palm fronds. A small cartoon crab
sings a jaunty tune under the waves nearby, drowning out any idle comments from douchebags.
Don't forget to eat, all my worst fights were on an empty stomach.
Finally, NUMBER ONE never resent your man for being sick. If you have any resentment toward him for being sick FORGIVE HIM RIGHT FUCKING NOW and go give him a hug too. This is more important than anything else you have going on. Dear theory of everything, I can't stress this part enough.