The unofficial bad day thread.

[NobodySpecial]

Thank you Treffle. I am working on it all. I'm better today than I was yesterday. I mean, it isn't as if I can't be friends with men, but I get so scared around men I don't know that I can't function, and it's just getting worse

Step one: Deep, even breaths. You can't control your interactions with others if you can't control your own body. (Thank you, Mr. Judo guy from high school.)

[Artemisia]

That doesn't help. This is a really bad panic that just won't ease up unless or until I get somewhere safe to decompress. Men trigger something in me that goes back to when I was bullied all the time and when I was raped as a child. Women make me feel safe. Usually, I don't shop alone or I don't shop when there's too many people around. I have a couple of friends who are pretty sure I have PTSD. I do understand what is wrong with me, I just don't know how to feel better.

On a totally unrelated note, I've been making my own sausage. This is my second batch. I'm doing a very good job of it.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

*big hugs for Art and Trefle* Sorry to hear things are bad right now. I hope it gets better for you two, and soon.

[Artemisia]

Thanks Zan. Most of my problems are internal though. I just hope I can work through them.

[Captain LeBubbles]

Thanks Zan. Most of my problems are internal though. I just hope I can work through them.

Do you need an internal band-aid?

[Artemisia]

Thanks Zan. Most of my problems are internal though. I just hope I can work through them.

Do you need an internal band-aid?

I need to drop about 200lbs and about $30,000 for my SRS. It should help with some of the problems. I feel a lot of shame with regards to being lesbian for some weird reason when I'm like this and it's hard to break.

[LadyObvious23]

Headaches, feeling tired despite sleeping for at least eight hours and my brother is home.

Why is he home?

He got kicked out and will be here for a while.

DX Ain't I the luckiest girl in the world?

[child-of-fae]

Walked out of work with nine dollars in my pocket. That was painful. And it just pissed me off that the guy who started the same time as I did, cheated on his server test, ignores his tables, gets complaints called in, and got in trouble because of his bad service 3 times in the first hour of work today has walked out with over $100 in his pocket while the best I've made in a single night is $60. I always get stuck with decent size parties that don't meet the quota for gratuity that don't tip, or I get young children (and I don't like kids, so to have me bust my ass to make sure I'm doing everything on my end to make sure your kid is quiet and fed and you still let them run around and scream and leave me a shitty tip really fucking hurts), or tables that just fucking sit for three hours, meaning that's one less table I'm able to take, not to mention ive been kept three hours past the point I've been cur because I've had tables that just won't fucking leave.

I knew going into it that I wouldn't have an easy time. It's definitely more baptism by fire than a gentle learning curve. But it hurts that by the luck of the draw j get regulars that are notorious for being shitty tippers.

Also I'm not going to get to see my boyfriend until Tuesday because he's working all doubles and then he's got drill this weekend. And I haven't seen him since Saturday. And I realize that's not very long but since he's gone back to working in a restaurant and I've started work for the summer we actually see each other less than when I was away at school. It feels a bit like when he was away in Missouri, like I don't know for certain how things will be when I see him next (all of his best friends are moving across the country/at least six hours away out of state by the end of summer and one if them is trying to convince him to cone along and just leave jersey by the end of August) and it really does worry me, but we've also both been under a lot of stress recently so I feel like the few hours we get to see each other should be filled with cuddled and kisses rather than potentially painful conversations.

Also I typed all of this on my phone so sorry my autocorrect tends to stop working when I type so much/fast

[Otaking]

Her "Hey I called [that company you work for] and stopped all the astronomical charges you would have gotten for me texting to Canada" (Where her new boyfriend is)

Her "[company you work for] really sucks. (x3)"

Me "Ok, in order to avoid future incidents I'll start up the transfer of financial responsibility on your line to you."

Her "Which means?"

Me "You'll pay for your own phone." (In reality she probably can't even pass the credit check to get the phone, her credit was in the shitter before I met her and it was another thing I was trying to help her build up."

Her "Oh, but you'll actually keep paying for it right?"

Cue silence.

Cue massive two hour fight in which I explain to Princess that attractive women live in an alternate reality surrounded by guys (sometimes girls) that tell them everything they do is ok when it isn't. Explaining to her how some things are probably not ok to talk to me about. Explaining that if I didn't care, none of this would matter. Explaining how I don't even care about the money but rather protecting myself from being treated worse than a dog. (On my fucking playlist right now is Iggy Pop "I Wanna Be Your Dog") Listening to another summary of everything I did wrong over the course of me being frustrated by a nine year relationship in which I was spread thinner than Gollum carrying the One Ring trying to rearrange as much of her reality and my life and career as I could to try and make her better so we could be happy together. Humiliating myself again trying to win her back.

Her "You're welcome to come visit."

Me "Do you actually want me there?"

Her ".....no"

Me "You want the kid out there though right?"

Her "Yes...he's sick too, he understands me, but don't worry...he has no money and is stuck in Canada anyway."

I wish hatred could burn out love but it doesn't work like that, for me anyway. WTB apathy.

I wish my state didn't have this two month cooling off period because I can't even make a clean break from it....I can understand this law if you have kids but it shouldn't apply otherwise.

I wonder if Hulk Hogan would appreciate an e-card from me.

Also my work laptop hd failed so I will spend all day in the office getting it replaced and reimaged and then back to work again tonight.

[Captain LeBubbles]

It is apparently going to cost every last penny of my savings to pay for my car repairs. I might actually be short by about ten dollars.

Thank you, Dad, for springing this on me five minutes before we go to pick it up, instead of, you know, before they starting doing the repairs, so I could tell them to prioritize and I'd fix the other bit in a few weeks, so that I'm not completely breaking myself just to pay for it. That was really considerate of- oh wait no, it was fucking stupid. And guess what? I don't have gas money now! I will be literally broke until Friday.

edit: Didn't cost quite as much as they'd said, but I've still only got about ten dollars to get me through the week.

And while I'm complaining about what a bitchfink my dad is, isn't it funny how his 'just talking to me' always sounds suspiciously like yelling but is 'just talking to me', but I add the slightest inflection to my voice and I'm yelling at him and he has the right to jump down my throat?

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Ouch, and ouch.

Otaking: Your wife really, really needs to get it into her head that right now, she needs to leave you the hell alone. She wants that guy? Fine, she can have him, but that means no more calling you up and talking to you about anything but how the divorce proceedings are going. She's made her bed, now she needs to lie in it and stop thinking that includes you as company. I'm sorry, man - you deserve better than this treatment. =\ I agree - Texas laws are really stupid sometimes. Did you know until you get divorced you're not even supposed to date someone? As far as this state is concerned, "legal separation" doesn't exist. Stupid, bass-ackward traditional morons... *grumble grumble*

LeBubbles: That apartment that's planned? Yeah, that can't come soon enough. A little physical distance (even if it is still the same property) will help here, and might give your dad the space he needs to see he's being a jerk. =\

*hugs to both of you*

My thing for the day that brings me down? Milo's friend, Mist, has gotten a bit quiet since Thursday. Just last night she was moving a lot slower than the day before - and this morning it turned out she had passed in her sleep.

[Artemisia]

HUGS everyone.

I am so sorry to hear that Zan Otaking- I second what Zan said. Time for the real world to bite your wife on the backside hard.

Bubbles- my father and I are the same way. If I use the wrong inflection, he gets upset with me.

My day has been rough. Our washing machine died today, so I had to pay for the new one. My cousin's boyfriend had a seizure on the way to work today and it was a really bad one. Add to that- I'm apparently annoying the crap out of the people on the PT forum for being blatant about my theories and feelings regarding one of the characters. I'm having a hard time phrasing things lately and a lot of trouble thinking clearly. I'm still not recovered from my last big panic attack, I think, and I'm finding it very hard to say the right thing, and I'm tending to over react when men try to counter what I'm saying.

[Valerie]

Got to work at nine. We had one delivery order. It was like 20 sandwiches. No big deal. Easy.
We got another order. Okay, fine.
And another one. Okay, we can work with that.
And one more...

So then it's the lunch rush and we're trying to put together delivery orders while the rush is starting. And then we start running out of things.

By the end of the day, we were out of:
- Spinach
- Sourdough, Rye, Ciabatta, and Kaiser rolls (so the only bread options left were wheat bread or a wheat wrap)
- Smoothie mix
- Chicken Enchilada Casserole (which was our special for today)
- Raspberry vinaigrette
- Sanity

And my boss still has not talked to the guy I'm having trouble with. We need to hang onto him for like one more week, because another guy is going on vacation and it'll throw everything off.
And my cousin, who works with me (and, more directly, works with this guy in the back) keeps telling me "he doesn't seem that bad, he's nice to me," etc., etc. Well good for you, sweetheart, but he's telling me to "bat my eyelashes" at the boss to get things I want. He is a sexist moron and I've been dealing with it for way too goddamn long.

Tomorrow we're supposed to talk, but God fucking knows if that will actually happen at this rate. My boss had me make a list of things that this guy has done to bother me. There were eleven items.

To top all that off, I get home, my husband is still asleep, our bedroom is a mess, one of the cabinets still has not been stained (which is what my husband is supposed to have done on like Saturday), and my dad is telling me to put caulk around the shower. Which I started to do, but Jesus fucking Christ, it was a day from Hell at work today, plus my cousin being a dummy, plus my husband not having anything done, plus the fact that I haven't eaten anything. It doesn't matter, I'm too pissed off to be hungry anyway. So I got super-upset when I was barely started caulking, and I kicked the shower wall (because I am a stupid, violent person), and I didn't know what to do. I went to sit outside, but that won't work, because my grandma is across the street and will wonder what's wrong. So I came back inside, sat in the front room (which is a mess because it's one of the rooms we haven't even touched yet), and just cried like sixteen cups of water because I am just so fucking frustrated and I hate living here where everyone knows me and I hate having to explain myself to people who should just accept the fact that I'm upset and quit trying to undermine it.

I am stressed out and I hate my life and I don't want this anymore because I never wanted any of it in the first place. And I can't do anything about any of it.

Edit: Okay. I took a breath and talked to Morgan. He gave me hugs and is going to finish the caulk in the bathroom and stain that last cabinet. I am a stupid jerk for getting so upset and not talking to him. That guy at work is getting fired in like a week or something. My cousin is an idiot and I'm just going to have to live with that because she is otherwise a great person. And now I am going to eat and internet and calm the fuck down.

[Artemisia]

Val,

I know how you feel about the housework. There's three of us here who do the house work- three out of six. My father, cousin and her boyfriend really don't want to do anything, whine when we try to get them to do what needs to get done, and act like this is a horrible inconvenience. It isn't just with things like ripping up carpets and such, but whole things like doing dishes or sweeping the floor.

My aunt has diabetes and is pretty close to crippled. My mother works nights on the weekends and has a partially fused back. I have a hernia, major G/I issues and an anxiety disorder that can cripple me for the whole day sometimes. We end up being the three doing the most work here.

[Otaking]

plus my husband not having anything done, plus the fact that I haven't eaten anything. It doesn't matter, I'm too pissed off to be hungry anyway. So I got super-upset when I was barely started caulking, and I kicked the shower wall (because I am a stupid, violent person), and I didn't know what to do. I went to sit outside, but that won't work, because my grandma is across the street and will wonder what's wrong. So I came back inside, sat in the front room (which is a mess because it's one of the rooms we haven't even touched yet), and just cried like sixteen cups of water because I am just so fucking frustrated and I hate living here where everyone knows me and I hate having to explain myself to people who should just accept the fact that I'm upset and quit trying to undermine it.

I am stressed out and I hate my life and I don't want this anymore because I never wanted any of it in the first place. And I can't do anything about any of it.

Val.

Valkyrie.

You're not a stupid violent person. You're a highly intelligent and (deservedly) frustrated fighter with a lot on your plate. I have a lot of admiration for you for dealing with all that crap with your limited resources and trying to take care of someone on the side and crusading for liberal justice in your spare time. However you need to pick your battles. Focus on the shit you can control, serenity to accept what I cannot blah blah...I don't feel like giving an atheist translation of a Christian prayer.

Get that SERENITY. Get music, get headphones, get deep breathing and imagine yourself on a beautiful island, where the crystalline sands are white as snow and the azure ocean mirrors the cerulean sky with you in between this mirrored hallway to Infinity on a nice chaise lounge with a Dragon Fly in your hand (vodka, melon liqueur, lime juice, and apple juice) The only thing you can smell is a clean ocean breeze with a hint of coconut oil baking off the lean tanned limbs of hula girls as they gently fan you with palm fronds. A small cartoon crab sings a jaunty tune under the waves nearby, drowning out any idle comments from douchebags.

Don't forget to eat, all my worst fights were on an empty stomach.

Finally, NUMBER ONE never resent your man for being sick. If you have any resentment toward him for being sick FORGIVE HIM RIGHT FUCKING NOW and go give him a hug too. This is more important than anything else you have going on. Dear theory of everything, I can't stress this part enough.