Artemisia wrote:You know, I don't know if we've covered the physical dimension of this in any real way.
When I am aroused, my brain tells me to prepare for the various sensations that a would would normally feel- right up to and including a need for mild penetration. The problem is that the only sensations that my body provides are all male in nature, and that makes me upset because it The mental set up of my brain is very female, but my body is male and it creates a horrible feeling inside me. In fact, it feels horrible to not have all the proper sensations that a woman would normally have such as pressure on my breasts and such that my brain expects to occur, but my body cannot provide.
It leads to a lot of depression and dysphoria.
I hope that helped explain some of the issues centering around gender identity disorder. It has nothing really to do with gender expression, though, since not only am I, well, lesbian (femme), but a gamer and something of a nerd.
I recognize this, although my similar experience doesn't really upset me. I'm not sure if putting it like this will make sense to others, but I can shapeshift mentally. I used to be terrified of hypodermic needles until I figured I could temporarily deny that a body part was part of me. Sex isn't scary but I seem to be doing the same thing when doing that. When I'm not distracted (in other words, on my own
) I can even convince myself my body is female.
I can also grow wings or spikes or tentacles or whatever, but that's not very useful, though it was amusing long ago.Artemisia: if we cannot sympathize or understand then all we claim to be as human beings is just marsh gas
Valerie: Lia knows how to turn that frown upside-down.
If I don't concentrate on the world we live in, I tend to end up being able to feel her completely like she's the 'real' me and the person everyone sees isn't.