The unofficial bad day thread.

[Otaking]

Trefle thanks for the kind thoughts, cliches and all About writing it down: yeah sometimes it's like a release valve, sometimes it amplifies the crazy if I reread it too much because you start going, "Wow this is really fucked up I deserve to have this giant chip on my shoulder."

Then you add to the burdens of others by being a douche and no one really deserves that. Yukking it up helps, laugh in the face of Death (I guess Pestilence in this case) and all that. Woo it's cliche a go-go!

[NobodySpecial]

I wish someone would have done something with Midnight Eye, it had a good premise.

[Artemisia]

Otaking

I am so sorry to hear that I do hope things will get better, but I know how hard it has to be for you.

Artemisia:
I suspect you have a much richer past than I have (not to mention more tumultuous), but indeed, at one point there's got to be a certain...tolerance, to deal, to delve within the matter that is, an entire set of gender. That is not a small amount of number, nor is it an easy task..I think.
Not to say it will be an easy and rosy path either way. But..

Let's see. Mind if I ask you some questions?
You mentioned being able to reasonably comfortable dealing with them. What are the difference between dealing and studying men?
The uncomfortableness; in regards of which sort of issues do they tend to arise? political ones? Sexual, cultural ones? Or even general ones like, say, men and TV? What about issues like manscaping or pejazzling? (...oh, the things I learned from Jezebel. Potentially NSFW)

===
/minorwhine
Damn, I should not spend my day reading gay lits and reading TVTropes about almost all-male, testosterone filled, sweat-drenching sports manga.
My brain is sort of a mushy wreck right now. ROSE GLASSEES!

A lot depends on so many factors, but the bulk of it seems to be centered around male sexuality. That's most days, but some days I end up being unable to even be around men without feeling disgust, hatred, and anger swell up, and I just with I could not have that happen.

I've never really thought that my life was all that special. Everyone tells me it was, though.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Also, I see your FMA and Avatar (which, while nice, ain't anime so is disqualified, sorry ) and raise you one Kimagure Orange Road*, one Full Metal Panic**, and one X/1999. Also also, Bleach has been around since '01. So it's not that new.

*which we only ever got the show for, never the comics - except for scanlations *cough* >.>.
**which we will probably never get all the original light novels for, since TokyoPop went under and I don't see anyone else picking up the printing any time soon.
***which will likely never have a finished comic run, since Clamp put it on a long-term hiatus as of March 2003 - which is ridiculous, since all but a small handful of chapters was left...

Haha yeah those Koreans can draw though! I also hold something close to worship for the Avatar writing, because while a cartoon, it is very humorous and moving at the same time. Ever read Terry Pratchett?

'01 ain't the classics, '87 is I'll give you your Orange Road but I'm more of the Vampire Hunter D, Fist of the North Star, Bubblegum Crisis, Fight! Iczer One, Battle Angel Alita generation. Parasyte was probably the last worthwhile manga I read, well that and Sorcerer Hunters.

Yeah my wife about held a wake for Tokyo Pop...me I about break my neck climbing over the slippery pile of Yaoi next to the bed so while I don't like to see a good publisher go under I think I'm a little too Gar to be in the middle of their main demographic.

*glances over at the entire section of the bookcase taken up with works by a British man about a world on the back of a giant turtle* I... might have some familiarity with the man, yes.

Bubblegum Crisis is another one I happen to have, all 3 "parts" (AD Police, 2032, and Crash) to the old one, in fact. I'm less of a "this era was great" sort of fan, more of a "how often am I going to have to suspend my disbelief despite a massive plot/logic hole?" sort of anime fan. If the answer is "not very often", I can count it as good (which is why harem anime is something I just can't do - except maybe the Love Hina comic. I look at that one less as "Keitaro and his unwanted harem", more as "Keitaro, this one girl he likes, and all these other girls who also kind of need to learn why it's not appropriate to react to social situations the way they do." also a reason my last two purchases were pre-2005 shows. Magic Knight Rayearth and Vandread, in fact. The anime market has gotten disturbingly saturated with crap lately...) And yet, despite one so massive that my disbelief hit the ground with a massive crunching noise, in the first episode no less, I still enjoy Crisis. Must be the presence of four cute, well-written women as the protagnists...

Besides FMP, I'll miss TokyoPop because now if I want to finish my Fruits Basket collection, I'll need to hit Amazon and Hastings (stupid Barnes and Noble, not carrying "out of print" stuff... *grumble grumble*) Never heard of Gar, though. >.>;

[konaa]

Hey everybody. I just registered. I'm not sure what to say next, so I guess I'll just dive right in to what I want to say. (What a way to introduce myself to the forum...)

Lately I've been somewhat depressed. The feeling started about 2-3 weeks ago. Back then my depression (I'm calling it that, even though I'm not clincally diagnosed) was severe, and I found myself contemplating suicide for the second time in my life. Since then, my feelings have eased up enough but not totally. I'm still not working at 100%. The thing is, feeling depressed makes me feel even worse. That makes me feel even worse, since there is no reason I should be feeling this way. (Why am I so depressed if there's no cause?) I just want to feel normal again, and not disconnected from life, but I don't know when that'll happen.
Second, the feeling that maybe I deserve to be depressed, the feeling that I'm a horrible, mean, selfish person who should live out their days miserable, isn't making anything better. And despite the fact I can ignore all this and get by on a day-to-day basis, I keep facing this feeling whenever I'm alone, with no distractions. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up into a ball in the corner of the room and cry.
I'm so tired of acting. I'm tired of acting one way to family, and another way to friends. I'm tired of pretending I still think it all matters. I'm tired of acting like I agree with my parents, even when they have beliefs that are wrong. I live my life in fear. I fear that if I ever tell anyone what I'm really feeling, that I'm actually bisexual, that I hold the beliefs I do, they'll judge me and hate me. I'm just sick of all the injustice. I lie to everyone on a daily basis. I answer my parents' questions evasively. I never tell anyone the full truth because I'm afraid to trust in people. I'm afraid of how they'll react.
My parents unknowingly had a hand in causing these feelings, all through my life. And I never told them. I didn't want to make waves. Pretending had kept things stable, the way I like things. But this pretending, this shutting up, it's caused a lot of emotional and mental damage in me. Damage that I usually pretend isn't there.
I think it's wrong that the two emotions I feel most are anger and despair. I think it's wrong that I can accept my reality and not feel sad or used. I feel wrong telling my mother "I love you" - because I don't know if I really do. I think it's wrong that I act like nobody's opinions matter to me, that I'm above feeling self-conscious, when really, I hide these things because I'm afraid of how others will see me. I'm a hypocrite. All I want is for someone to listen, to care, to accept me for who I am. But now, thanks to all these factors, I shut people out. My closest friends barely know me at all. My family sometimes knows even less.
But despite the fact I loathe all these things, I still say all the lies and secrets and "I don't knows" when what I really want to say is far from that. But I can't say any of these things, because I don't want to upset the status quo and make waves. So I suffer in silence, rely only on myself, never talk about problems, and act like everything is still okay.
And I feel horrible, even now, typing this. I feel like a drama queen attention-whore. I feel like I'm taking up time of all of you, time that could be used talking to someone who actually matters.
But despite all this, I still cope. Usually through ignoring the problem. I write. I immerse myself in mundane distractions to avoid facing reality. And that's wrong, too. But it's all I know.

*sigh* That's all. I don't know I feel about this right now. But I needed to say that. Sorry if I sound spammy or wangsty. Sorry if I wasted your time.
*deep breath, clicks Submit*
*sigh* I think that's all. I don't know what I feel.

[Mr. Brightside]

Oof... welcome to the forum, then. I hope we can treat you better than life is.

I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn't always. What I will say is that, taken from my own life, this sounds like a case where the worst thing you can do is nothing.

[konaa]

Oof... welcome to the forum, then. I hope we can treat you better than life is.

I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn't always. What I will say is that, taken from my own life, this sounds like a case where the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Guess I know how to make an entrance... (I'm hoping to make any further posts much, much happier. I just had to get that out of the way first.)

Well, that's what I've been doing, and what I'll probably -keep- doing.

[Artemisia]

Otaking

I am so sorry to hear that I do hope things will get better, but I know how hard it has to be for you.

Artemisia:
I suspect you have a much richer past than I have (not to mention more tumultuous), but indeed, at one point there's got to be a certain...tolerance, to deal, to delve within the matter that is, an entire set of gender. That is not a small amount of number, nor is it an easy task..I think.
Not to say it will be an easy and rosy path either way. But..

Let's see. Mind if I ask you some questions?
You mentioned being able to reasonably comfortable dealing with them. What are the difference between dealing and studying men?
The uncomfortableness; in regards of which sort of issues do they tend to arise? political ones? Sexual, cultural ones? Or even general ones like, say, men and TV? What about issues like manscaping or pejazzling? (...oh, the things I learned from Jezebel. Potentially NSFW)

===
/minorwhine
Damn, I should not spend my day reading gay lits and reading TVTropes about almost all-male, testosterone filled, sweat-drenching sports manga.
My brain is sort of a mushy wreck right now. ROSE GLASSEES!

A lot depends on so many factors, but the bulk of it seems to be centered around male sexuality. That's most days, but some days I end up being unable to even be around men without feeling disgust, hatred, and anger swell up, and I just with I could not have that happen.

I've never really thought that my life was all that special. Everyone tells me it was, though.

I wanted to add something to my previous post. I've been wondering if part of my problem is that the only time I'm happy and comfortable is when I'm around lesbian/female writers, writing, issues, etc, and that male-centered stuff makes me sad and uncomfortable because I feel like it reinforces my feelings of being an outsider.

Konaa,

Is there something specific that makes you feel depressed. It almost sounds like you're dysphoric.

[konaa]

Konaa,

Is there something specific that makes you feel depressed. It almost sounds like you're dysphoric.

Not that I'm aware of. The feeling started shortly after spring break ended, so at first I just thought it was sadness that spring break was over, but I'm pretty sure the feeling shouldn't be persisting even now.

EDIT: I too somewhat think that. I don't really want to self-diagnose, though.

[Mr. Brightside]

Well, that's what I've been doing, and what I'll probably -keep- doing.

I know... believe me, I know. I just wish I could be there.

EDIT: I too somewhat think that. I don't really want to self-diagnose, though.

I'm not totally sure on this, but I think you kind of have to - I think, due to phobic ethics policies, the patient has to broach this particular topic.

[konaa]

Well, that's what I've been doing, and what I'll probably -keep- doing.

I know... believe me, I know. I just wish I could be there.

EDIT: I too somewhat think that. I don't really want to self-diagnose, though.

I'm not totally sure on this, but I think you kind of have to - I think the patient has to broach this particular topic.

I think it's kind of ironic I can announce this to everyone on this forum but can't even talk about it with people I know.

It's not so much that as I just don't want to go around thinking I'm dysphoric or depressed or whatever if I'm not. Plus, I'm not seeing a psychologist/therapist/whatever you want to call them (even though it had been suggested to me before.) Maybe I'm too self-reliant... I guess I want to figure things out on my own, since only I would know the best way for me to work past my problems...

[Artemisia]

It's something to bring up. I know how awful it is to have dysphoria and depression. I get depressed so easily because of my situation. I hope things get better for you.

[konaa]

It's something to bring up. I know how awful it is to have dysphoria and depression. I get depressed so easily because of my situation. I hope things get better for you.

I hope things get better for you too. And I appreciate everyone for being so welcoming.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Welcome to the Tea Room, konaa! I hope things get better for you soon - and if you need it, you've always got us as listeners.

[Artemisia]

It's something to bring up. I know how awful it is to have dysphoria and depression. I get depressed so easily because of my situation. I hope things get better for you.

I hope things get better for you too. And I appreciate everyone for being so welcoming.

Thank you. I'm starting to think that I need to concentrate first on being happy and that means cutting things down a lot. Eventually, I'll be comfortable enough to branch out.