[23 Mar 2012] Fauxmosexuals and "Experimenters"

[sun tzu]

Nifty gaming metaphor. You can start hating Leah forever now.

[AniDragon]

My only issue with experimenters is that when I was in college, I was looking for an actual girlfriend, and the experimenters, or "bi-curious", were just looking to get laid to try it out. We wanted different things from each other. It would have been fine had the bi-curious been flirting with the other bi-curious, or maybe even with a lesbian who was up for a one night stand, but it's annoying when they all flirt with the one lesbian on campus (me), who, as it turned out, was looking for something more serious.

But that's as far as it went, really. Annoyance, and some sexual frustration (because let's face it, some were hot and pretty tempting). If I came across a bi girl who was looking for the same thing as me, then it would all be good. Actually, so far all my crushes have been bisexuals, so there you have it.

[Captain LeBubbles]

A part of me can understand where Leah is coming from; my last year of high school it became fashionable to be bisexual (and oh what fun that was for someone who still qualified as a homophobe! ), and it drove me up the wall because these were the same people who gave my best friends flak for being a lesbian and/or bisexual just a year before. On the other hand, it's a pretty shitty attitude, especially when it's taken out on the friend of someone you're trying to woo. There are so many better ways Leah could have handled that situation than the way she did.

Leah's attitude here actually reminds me of most of the girls I went to school with, who treated my best friends like they were constantly trying to get them into bed. (Even I understood that 'lesbian' does not automatically mean 'wants to sleep with every girl ever'. Sheesh.)

[Bardlp]

I wonder if tetrisexuality is a thing.

Man, I hope not. Otherwise, I'm in an incestuous Tetrisexual relationship with my sister. She's always beating my scores!

[Artemisia]

Us lurkers are just coming out of the woodwork over this one.

I'm always shocked just how far down the chain of prejudice goes. Gays turn on bisexuals. Bisexuals give transgenders grief. trans people villainize (if there's an easy term, I don't know it) people who mentally identify as the opposite gender, but are comfortable in their bodies.

Gays are prejudiced against lesbians. Gays and lesbians tend to be prejudiced against bisexuals. Gays, lesbians and bisexuals tend to be prejudiced against transgendereds. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendereds tends to be prejudiced against transsexuals. Transsexuals tends to resent all of the above because of the way they are treated and ignored. It doesn't help that transsexuals can be welcomed into the broader lesbian or gay community because of sexual identity, but there are still lingering issues there depending on just how strongly the original male (MtF) or female (FtM) identity took hold. For those who never had a male identity, acclimating to the female/lesbian identity can be easy and acceptance fairly quick. For those MtF's who come in with a huge dose of male privilege, hatred abounds.

Prejudices aren't exactly simple and straight lines.

[LadyObvious23]

"She snu-snu man! No wan girl who snu-snu man!"

DX Uggh...please someone just punch her. She's earned a good punch and I hope Sara delivers said punch.

[Samie_Seraphim]

Okay... So coming out of semi-lurking here...

I will actually say the biggest issue is people who LIE about it.

I'm bisexual and I've gotten a fair amount of shit about it. I've actually gotten more issues from women in general about it than men (Het or Gay), whether it's the het girl thinking that I'll automatically have a crush on her or the lesbian women thinking that I'll eventually go back to men. It's really rather annoying to be on the end of that stick getting poked at and told that you're not legit.

And I'll be perfectly honest, as a wee bit of a slut, I don't care as much if someone is experimenting or what not. If they tell me, I'm willing to help them (when I'm single, of course). Hell, even if it's some woman who wants to make out to get some guy's attention? As long as she tells me that's the plan, why not?

And I really don't understand the hate in the community. I tend to not have issues with people based on their sexuality, but instead based on their personality. Which really leads me to my mini-rant...

Why the hell do some people make/consider their sexuality to be the same as their identity? Seriously? It shouldn't be. You are more than who you sleep with. You're more than what's between your legs, how you dress, whatever. Your identity comes from all those things, as well as how you act, what you like, what you do, how you treat others, etc., etc., etc. Just because you're Gay, or a Lesbian, or Bisexual, or Transgender or [insert more titles here], that isn't WHO you are. It's a PART of who you are. And I'm sorry, if your sexuality is all you are... you're kind of boring. Hate to break it to you.

[Artemisia]

Samie_Seraphim,

A lot of the push back against bisexuals comes from the fact that they tend to be used as examples of how being gay or lesbian is a choice. For women, who have a far more complex sexuality than men do (as per the research done), this is especially problematic since many women can be fairly fluid in their sexuality preferring women or men to differing degrees. Women have a tendency to prefer specific types of people depending on their short term or long term goals, and that can change a lot over time too. The research shows that women are more likely to be bisexual the lesbian or straight.

As for the identity issue, there is a lot more to being straight or lesbian than just who you sleep with, but that doesn't mean that they are easy to define in other areas. I make it a habit to observe people.

[yeorenzen]

A lot of the push back against bisexuals comes from the fact that they tend to be used as examples of how being gay or lesbian is a choice. For women, who have a far more complex sexuality than men do (as per the research done), this is especially problematic since many women can be fairly fluid in their sexuality preferring women or men to differing degrees. Women have a tendency to prefer specific types of people depending on their short term or long term goals, and that can change a lot over time too. The research shows that women are more likely to be bisexual the lesbian or straight.

Well, I'm a male, and I for one got quite a complicated sexuality.

I think you might consider culture having something to do with females appearing more sexual "fluid" "as per the research done". It seems clear to me, that if one has a recessive part of one's sexuality, then it is possible to repress that part successfully, be it which gender one is attracted to or which gender one would like to be. (A dominant part on the other hand cannot be repressed - and one should therefore not try to.) And because it is far more acceptable in society to be a girl into girls than a boy into boys, boys from a very young age learns to repress their recessive attraction to other boys, and identify as "straight". This far more often than girls do on average. The same thing apply to "straight" boys being the least feminine, which is widely shunned - in comparison with girls/women who can be plenty masculine in wide areas without it being noted upon in any disparaging way.

[Artemisia]

Well, yeorenzen, that's why I kept referring to the research. One thing that is out there is that a lot of people engage in some form of same-sex sexual behaviors during their lives. I think there's a lot of stuff that our society represses which hurts the individual and society out of some prudish view of what gender is suppose to be.

[Samie_Seraphim]

Artemisia-
Oh, I definitely understand why it gets flack, and to some degree, I even sympathize with it. Biphobia is a symptom of a largely heteronormative and sexually repressive society, but I don't think that it's fair for those in the LGBT community to bash each other. It doesn't really help us.

And I know it's more than just who you sleep with, but haven't you ever met those people who take one part of themselves and make it to be the most important part or the only relevant part? I've mostly run into it with the LGBT community in Lesbians that won't date Bisexuals because "they like boys, so we have nothing in common". (Yes, I've had to argue that one with a women, despite that we had many of the same interests, beliefs, etc...)
It's not just the LGBT community though, I also get annoyed at people who do it with other aspects of their life. For example, in my personal experience, I get annoyed at people whose life is completely centered around their religion. Growing up it was in the LDS church that I ran into it the most with, but it always strikes me as annoying and very sad.
I mean, I'm bisexual, I'm a writer, I'm Buddhist, I'm a gamer etc, these are things that define me, but they aren't me. I don't know. Saying that one part of you is your identity seems like a cop-out to me. Like they're afraid to be themselves, or to be an individual, so they pick one thing and that's them.
But it is one of those things that gets me riled up because, like I said, personal experience being surrounded by it outside of the LGBT community.
Hah, sorry, another mini-rant. >.> *hides*

[Adrishiana]

I think this storyline would make more sense if it was something that was undoubtedly biphobia (such as Lisa losing a friend or being dumped because of her sexuality), not "Lisa's massive entitlement and privilege issues combined with complete failure to do any research whatsoever get in her way, and she is asked to leave a space she has, unintentionally or not, invaded (and then sulks about it for days)."

[Artemisia]

Artemisia-
Oh, I definitely understand why it gets flack, and to some degree, I even sympathize with it. Biphobia is a symptom of a largely heteronormative and sexually repressive society, but I don't think that it's fair for those in the LGBT community to bash each other. It doesn't really help us.

And I know it's more than just who you sleep with, but haven't you ever met those people who take one part of themselves and make it to be the most important part or the only relevant part? I've mostly run into it with the LGBT community in Lesbians that won't date Bisexuals because "they like boys, so we have nothing in common". (Yes, I've had to argue that one with a women, despite that we had many of the same interests, beliefs, etc...)
It's not just the LGBT community though, I also get annoyed at people who do it with other aspects of their life. For example, in my personal experience, I get annoyed at people whose life is completely centered around their religion. Growing up it was in the LDS church that I ran into it the most with, but it always strikes me as annoying and very sad.
I mean, I'm bisexual, I'm a writer, I'm Buddhist, I'm a gamer etc, these are things that define me, but they aren't me. I don't know. Saying that one part of you is your identity seems like a cop-out to me. Like they're afraid to be themselves, or to be an individual, so they pick one thing and that's them.
But it is one of those things that gets me riled up because, like I said, personal experience being surrounded by it outside of the LGBT community.
Hah, sorry, another mini-rant. >.> *hides*

Don't be sorry, it makes sense, and I think we're working from the same baseline here. You and I have a lot in common, in fact. I'm a writer and gamer as well, though I'm lesbian and Pagan. One thing that I've always noticed is that our society pushes this inflexible chopping up of identity into little boxes and you are suppose to be that box.

If you want to get down to the whole list. . .I'm a femme lesbian-trans/intersexual-gamer-writer-student-sci fi/fantasy&comics fan who listens to Goth/Pagan rock, lives at home, owns a cat, is a virgin, and so on. What our society wants is stereotypes, not people.

[Alice Macher]

I think this storyline would make more sense if it was something that was undoubtedly biphobia (such as Lisa losing a friend or being dumped because of her sexuality), not "Lisa's massive entitlement and privilege issues combined with complete failure to do any research whatsoever get in her way, and she is asked to leave a space she has, unintentionally or not, invaded (and then sulks about it for days)."

For the record, it's been less than one day.

[Adrishiana]

I think this storyline would make more sense if it was something that was undoubtedly biphobia (such as Lisa losing a friend or being dumped because of her sexuality), not "Lisa's massive entitlement and privilege issues combined with complete failure to do any research whatsoever get in her way, and she is asked to leave a space she has, unintentionally or not, invaded (and then sulks about it for days)."

For the record, it's been less than one day.

It probably feels like days to Lisa, wandering through the bleak snowscape of rejection and Galinda-style "something has gone terribly wrong... I didn't get what I wanted!" mourning.