...take a leaf from Lisa's book.
No, not by doing magic. They don't know how. You'll see what we mean. Unspoken Plan Guarantee and all that.
"So, we all clear on what to do?" said Penny as she, Aggie and Roger quickly huddled while the djinn weren't looking.
"Stop gossiping idly amongst yourselves!" said the Head Rinj-a-Dinj-Dinjir. She snapped her fingers and pointed at Aggie. "You! Come here and entertain me with stories."
"Yes, my lady," said Aggie, and sat at the foot on the couch on which she reclined. "But first, if I may: don't you find this whole setup you have here--" she spread her arm to take in the whole chamber "--rather... Orientalist?"
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, a harem filled with women (and one man) in skimpy silk costumes? Doesn't that perpetuate Eurocentric stereotypes of Arab and, more broadly, Islamic culture?"
"I-- I don't--" said the djinni, scratching her head.
"Are you certain, my lady, that you want to collaborate with the inaccurate and quasi-racist co-opting of your culture as the exotic Other? That this is the face of your people you wish to present to the world?"
The Head Rinj-a-Dinj-Dinjir waved her hands away from herself while shaking her head rapidly. "You--you're talking nonsense, mortal slave. We are neither Arabs nor Muslims. We're not even bloody human
"True," said Aggie, "but surely in presenting to humans the aspect of yourselves that you djinn do, you're relying on human cultural referents. Human appearance, language and such. And you want humans to fear and obey you, right? So wouldn't that end result be more likely if you relied more on accurate, culturally sensitive behavioural mores? And let's talk diet, while we're at it. See that dish of fattened goose, there. Are you aware of how much pain and suffering the goose undergoes when raised in such--"
The head djinni clutched her head. ShutupshutupshutUUUUP...
, she thought.
While this was going on, another djinni summoned Penny and commanded her to unload barrels of wine from the camels at the end of the mountain path and carry them up to the cavern. Penny (who, remember, does work out daily) made the first three trips in silence. But when sent down once more, she said, "If it please your ladyship, may I take a twenty-minute break first?"
Such effrontery! You're a slave. You will stop working for the day when we tell you and not a minute later."
"But my lady, you see, when human muscles are overworked, they begin to produce lactic acid, and excessive buildup of this causes pain and soreness. Add that to the natural exhaustion our mortal bodies undergo when--"
"For God's sake, chattel, quit your whining and get back to work," said the djinni.
"Whining?!" said Penny. "I am not
whining. I am complaining.
Do you want to hear
-is is whi
ning: 'Ohhh! These barrels are too heavy! They huurt, and they're so nasty! Why- do- I- have- to- carryyyy- the-e-emmm...'
"Make it stop!" cried a nearby djinni.
"STOP WHINING!" said the first to Penny."But I thought you wanted whining..."
The Rinj-a-Dinj covered her ears, sobbing. "Please...
Meanwhile, a djinni summoned Roger--who, we'll remind you once again, is a dead-ringer for John Cleese--to pour glasses of wine for her and her friends and bring them to her on a tray.
"Right away, mum!" he said, and proceeded to fetch the tray, bottle and glasses while walking like this
"Slave!" said his mistress. "What are
"A thousand pardons, mum, but I was born with a most unfortunate orthopedic condition that causes me to walk in peculiar ways. However, I assure her ladyship that this will in no way impede the performance of my domestic duties."
"Hrm..." The djinni waved the back of her hand in his direction. "Fine, fine, continue."
"Here we are, then." Roger, stumbling slightly, plopped the wine bottle on the tray, cracking the expensive crystal somewhat and causing his mistress to tut-tut. "Terribly sorry, milady. Now then...ah! The glasses." He went to fetch them with another tray, walking like in the above clip @1:39. A couple of glasses banged against each other and got chipped, while a third went overboard and shattered. "Ah, me. That's coming out of my wages, I suppose."
"You don't get
wages, you--you oaf... look, just be more careful, all right?"
"Very good, mum." Roger placed the remaining intact glasses on the tray with the wine bottle and filled them. Then he brought them over to the Rinj and her friends, walking like the woman in the clip @2:27. (I love it when this fic goes multimedia, don't you?) There... may
have been a bit of wine that didn't
spill all over them as a result.
The djinni and her friends, dripping with wine, immediately stomped over to their queen to complain about the boorish slave she'd assigned them. This was, of course, at the same time that Penny's mistress was complaining about her, while Aggie was prattling on about whether those who picked the grapes for the wine may have been exploited. Cesar Chavez's name may have come up.
" said the Head Rinj-a-Dinj-Dinjir at last. "I can't take you three anymore. You're so... annoying. I hereby release you from our service. Get out. OUT!
As they hurried out the cave and down the mountain path, the queen hurled a bin packed with ice at them, followed by a bottle of wine. Both objects missed them; however, the latter landed right smack in the former, coating it liberally with wine as it shattered.
"LOOK!" It was Aggie, motioning for her companions to stop. "The cooler. The cooler's got wine all over it."
"So?" said Penny, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't you see? The cooler's been wined.
As the cooler too had suffered damage upon impact, most of the wine quickly drained out the bottom. However, the remaining residue in the cooler spelled out "6-16-2012."
"June 16, 2012..." Penny's eyes widened. "Aggie. That's it. That's our wedding date."
Aggie's eyes misted over as she took Penny's hand. At that moment, they both spotted a crevice in the cliffside just big enough for the two of them to slip inside. "Roger, would you excuse us for fifteen minutes? Better make it thirty."
And so it was settled. And you, dear reader, are cordially invited to attend Agenny's wedding. Make space on your calendar now!
But for the moment, let's go back to Lisa and Luna (Lis is making peevish noises at us, apparently over being upstaged), as they make their way to...