Yet another Agenny fanfic - Or is it?

[greenglowinggoo]

After seeing the comments, I'm quite scared of reading this, so I won't. But I do find it amusing the "author" posted the link in the fanfiction thread. It should totally be featured there!

[Valerie]

Man, I can't bring myself to delete this. It's a work of trolling art!

I mean, if it were three paragraphs long, I'd delete it without hesitation, but somebody really worked at this! Besides which, it doesn't seem to be provoking a lot of fighting, just snark. I apologize to anyone who finds it no laughing matter, but it's so over the top I can't begin to take it seriously.

But since it breaks The Rules like they've never been broken before, and I have little confidence that future efforts will be as entertaining, I am going straight to the banhammer.

Oh thank God. The IRC channel has been talking about how we hoped you would leave the thread, because we were having way too much fun with it. Thank you, T. <3

[Pink Freud]

Man, I can't bring myself to delete this. It's a work of trolling art!

I mean, if it were three paragraphs long, I'd delete it without hesitation, but somebody really worked at this! Besides which, it doesn't seem to be provoking a lot of fighting, just snark. I apologize to anyone who finds it no laughing matter, but it's so over the top I can't begin to take it seriously.

But since it breaks The Rules like they've never been broken before, and I have little confidence that future efforts will be as entertaining, I am going straight to the banhammer.

Oh thank God. The IRC channel has been talking about how we hoped you would leave the thread, because we were having way too much fun with it. Thank you, T. <3

Echo that.

[taotu]

Taotu, I think my favorite part had to be this:

It was latter on after midnight at the park and we picked up some crates of meth and heroin. Some of it will go to the local drug dealer, while the rest will go to my headquarters in Jamaica where I'll sell them in European countries, South Africa, North America, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, and Argentina.

Just out of nowhere. XD This guy is totally some 12-year-old kid who just discovered that he can lie to sound cool online.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THAT BIT. YES. AMAZING.

Also, T, you're my favourite. I was so scared this would be gone when I came back from dinner, instead I get to read terrific Lisa-death fic.

[rebochan]

Wow. Kudos. You guys took trolling and turned it into art.

[Freemage]

Man, I can't bring myself to delete this. It's a work of trolling art!

I mean, if it were three paragraphs long, I'd delete it without hesitation, but somebody really worked at this! Besides which, it doesn't seem to be provoking a lot of fighting, just snark. I apologize to anyone who finds it no laughing matter, but it's so over the top I can't begin to take it seriously.

But since it breaks The Rules like they've never been broken before, and I have little confidence that future efforts will be as entertaining, I am going straight to the banhammer.

I can understand your decision here, however, I would request that you do smite the troll's "contribution" to the fanart thread, preferably with nukes from orbit.

[unavoidablytiger]

I'm going to assume you mean "prompt" as in "creative writing exercise." So. Get your keyboards out, aspiring scriveners, and try this one out:

Imagine Lisa faces a violent beatdown by a gangsta wannabe straight out of a Spike Lee ripoff movie. In fifty words or less, what would her last words be? You must use at least five of the following terms: "totes," "U mad?", "SRSLY," "YouTube Poop," "Batman," "Optimus Prime," "“ಠ_ಠ", "DO NOT WANT," or "weltanschauüng." You have ten minutes.

Lisa was walking home from Aggie's house late one night, alone. It did occur to her that perhaps she should have stayed at Aggie's, and she couldn't shake the eerie feeling that she was walking into some other person's dark fantasy world... She shrugged this off and adjusted the volume on her iPhone, giggling as she watched the random YouTube Poop of Optimus Prime interrogating Sam Witwicky.

A moment later, her earbuds went flying as she felt a cracking pain across her shoulder and fell to the ground. She could hear the sound of someone raging behind her and looked up through her red hair, frightened.

"That's right you bi-slut bitch, lay down and take it like a urglh-" The man who had attacked her gurgled. That was because Lisa's foot had a tendency to target balls in times of stress. She supposed she should apologize, but after all, he had interrupted Optimus Prime. That was deserving of some payback.

Her attacker's eyes were bugging out and he was leaning heavily on his weapon of choice, a long wooden... "Is that a cricket bat?" Lisa demanded.

He snarled at her. "Yeah, you salmon eating skank, I got it in England. This is The Solution! I use it to straighten out carpet munching freaks like-"

"Is that a rainbow painted on that cricket bat?" Lisa stood and brushed off her skirt. She leaned forward to look, intrigued. "SRSLY, that is wicked. I mean, holy Nyan-Cat-On-Strike, Batman!"

He raised the bat and swung it at her again. It struck her across the ribs and Lisa staggered a little. She ಠ_ಠ'd at him. He had a pretty good swing for a 12 year old. She hoped she still had that Midol in her bag.

"Okay kid, you need a serious weltanschauüng tweaking. This is just not healthy." She put on her stern face, and then immediately felt bad as he teared up. "Aw, it's okay," she said, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "I think I scraped my hands when I fell," she added encouragingly. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I'm fine, SDFU." She smiled. "That's the spirit." She eyed his bat again with covetous speculation. "I have a lacrosse stick at home with Pinkie Pie painted on it. Would you be interested in a trade?"

After the negotiations were complete, she waved goodbye and continued on her way home. She stroked her new, colorful aquisition, cackling. "My preciousssss..."

Unfortunately, as she was trying to dig the Midol out of her bag with one hand and juggle the Nyan-bat with the other, she was captured by a flying tentacle monster. She had seen enough hentai to know where this was going.

The end.

I was going to off her at the end, courtesy of a passing car (you did say her 'last words') but she just would not shut up. So she gets tentacles. Also, it is much more than 50 words. Also, it took me more than 10 minutes.

[Valerie]

Tiger, I approve. X3

[Mr. Brightside]

I'm going to be frank. I went to the LJ this guy linked, and the sites he linked from it, and he's honestly scaring me.

Yes, he's an ITG, but a horrifyingly prolific one - there are volumes of "fanfiction" like this - and he's got a disturbing fixation on lesbians. I don't think he's a "troll" in the strictest sense, in that just from the sheer number, I really do think he has more motive in writing these fics than to get a rise out of fandoms.

I'm not sure I can laugh at this anymore.

[NobodySpecial]

Yeah, this didn't inspire me to laughter, either. Just made me queasy...because there ARE people like this out there.

[Alice Macher]

Anger and fear is what people like him want as a reaction, though. Mockery shows that he has no power over us.


*****

Lisa regarded her assailant with an upturned eyebrow. "That SRSLY the best name for a bat you can come up with? Holy low verbal PSAT score, Batman."

"Yo shuddup you gay queer bi het beyotch," said the interloper. "My bat be doin da talkin fo da both of us." CRA-- "Whadda FUCK?!"

Lisa held up the two pieces into which she'd snapped the bat after snatching it from him. "U mad?" she said, smirking and sticking her tongue out. "Someone needs a weltanschauüng adjustment."

"Oh dass it, you dickfart slurpkweefer. You goin down."

"Yeah, do not want," said Lisa. "If you strike me down now--"

"DON'T YOU BE MAKIN WID DAT FAGGOTTY FAGGOT-ASS TREK WARS SHIT," said the combatant. "I'MA POP A CAP IN YO' ASS, YO YO SCHOOLY D STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON ICE ICE BABY." He pulled a .22 Glock and fired three times.

""ಠ_ಠ," said Lisa, just before falling to the ground and lying still.

"YO! I OWN DIS TOWN NOW MY N****S," squeaked the boy. "Next stop, Khaos Komi--WHAAAA?"

He turned, and saw, where Lisa Winklemeyer's body had been, an 8' 6'' super-powered individual, made of 90% Pixie sticks, 10% 4chan memes, and 100% awesomeness, clad in a red cap with protruding copper lightning bolts, a white t-shirt with a red thunderbolt insignia, and blue short-shorts covered with same. "Buh buh buh I wasted yo ass!"

"Roflcopter! I tried to tell you what would happen if you struck me down. You see, Lisa Winklemeyer may be mortal and ephemeral, but the Thunderbolt Trickster is eternal. I cannot be killed. I control the vertical. I control the horizontal." She took the Glock from his hand and crushed it into its component quarks. "Oh, and BTW, everything I say from 'Roflcopter' on doesn't count as part of the fifty-word limit, because these are obviously no longer last words."

He began to quiver. "But but...straight outta...pop a...shizzle...cracker..." Then he wet himself, and not in a good way.

The Thunderbolt Trickster cuffed him. "Sry, kiddo.Too bad, so sad, I drink your milkshake."

"Please," the spindly, scrawny, terrified-of-sex white suburban kid said through his tears. "No more memes. I can't stand it anymore. Just take me to juvie."

"Okay, okay," said the super-powered individual. "Let's go. And hey, chin up. Don't be such a Sad Keanu." The last he saw before he passed out from annoyedness was a tongue sticking out of a pair of smirking lips. "Oops."

[unavoidablytiger]

I'm going to be frank. I went to the LJ this guy linked, and the sites he linked from it, and he's honestly scaring me.

Yes, he's an ITG, but a horrifyingly prolific one - there are volumes of "fanfiction" like this - and he's got a disturbing fixation on lesbians. I don't think he's a "troll" in the strictest sense, in that just from the sheer number, I really do think he has more motive in writing these fics than to get a rise out of fandoms.

I'm not sure I can laugh at this anymore.

After looking at his LJ, I have to agree. And if you follow his tracks a bit, you'll see that this he has done this very thing before, 2 years ago on FF.net and various other yuri/slash sites. Creepy.

[Tamar]

Anger and fear is what people like him want as a reaction, though. Mockery shows that he has no power over us.

QFT.

[Lia S]

Now I did read.

After looking at his LJ, I have to agree. And if you follow his tracks a bit, you'll see that this he has done this very thing before, 2 years ago on FF.net and various other yuri/slash sites. Creepy.

He is very, very close to violating the LJ terms of service. If you found any post of his that does "explicitly incite harassment or violence towards a group of people", let me know. (I'm assuming fiction doesn't count as explicitly inciting).

Oh, and if someone else still has an LJ and also some spare change to waste on trolling, LJ supports anonymous "gifts" nowadays that will be displayed on the profile page of the recipient. For example there's an "it gets better" rainbow badge, or a pink triangle, or a pride flag... or a carpet if you want to be subtle.

But seriously, don't waste your money, I'm just mentioning this idea for giggles. "Harassing" his LJ account will lead to yours being closed, and will be very unhelpful to anyone reporting him when he does cross the line of the LJ TOS.

[Valerie]

Anger and fear is what people like him want as a reaction, though. Mockery shows that he has no power over us.

QFT.

Double-QFT. Kid thinks he's got some kind of control over us because we have emotions. He fails too realize that we can bite back.

Also, Alice, love the Lisa-fic. X3

And Lia. You are a beautiful woman. Marry me.