Lia S wrote:I'm getting the impression you're suffering from "nice guy syndrome" (there's a discussion of that somewhere on these forums but I can't find the thread). A very short explanation of that "syndrome" is that potential partners think you're acting nice to get a reward, which means they think that behind your act you're not nice at all. I'm sure it won't surprise you that people who think of you that way won't want to date you. Of course only you can know whether you're honest when you're being nice. I can only suggest that you be nice because it's a fun thing to be without worrying about how people will treat you, and don't waste your time again on people who aren't nice back to you the first time you meet them.
Ah yes, the "nice guy TM" thing. Very frustrating, and triggering to some extent, because it paints men who are just shy, or who actually listened and took to heart what feminists were saying about how bad it is to offer "unwanted" sexual attention to women, as entitled creeps, the worst of the bunch.
Because, yeah, the message is contradictory. Everywhere, women and feminists talking about how women have to deal with unwanted sexual/romantic attention and that it's terrible, that men should learn to behave otherwise and not be so aggressive, as it scares women. So you listen to take, you take it to heart, and you learn to repress, to try to find out if displaying your attraction would be "wanted" or not before doing anything. But before that, you have to make sure that you actually like the woman you're attracted to... you can't just approach a woman you find hot, that would be "objectification" and reducing them to their body only. So you have to get to know them, but to get to know them, you have to be around them, to become their friend. But if you become their friend to make sure that you really are attracted to them for more than their body and to make sure that romantic/sexual overtures on your part would be desired, or at least not threatening, then you're an evil creepy "nice guy" TM and an entitled creep because you "pretend" to be their friends only to get in their pants.
If you are attracted to a woman only because she looks hot... it's objectification.
If you outright tell a woman you are attracted to her... you are "oppressing" her by contributing to her harassment through unwanted and unsolicited sexual attention.
If you get to know them better before being attracted to her and saying it... you're an evil "nice guy" TM.
Maybe if women displayed signs that they were attracted to you, then you'd be OK, it wouldn't be "unwanted" if she sent you "come hither" looks, right?... Wait, that never happened in your life. Wow, you must really be an unattractive, worthless POS, right?