[23 Mar 2012] Fauxmosexuals and "Experimenters"

[Bardlp]

Maybe "fauxmosexuals" is an eastcoast thing? I would have expected her to say "I'm totally sick of LUGs". Being an "assertive lesbian" in a fratority for "assertive lesbians", I would have thought Leah would intentionally not use a portmanteau of "faux" and "homosexual" because it includes the other gay gender. Maybe she's flustered. *shrug*

You'd think lesbians or gays would be beyond certain assumptions or prejudices, from being prejudiced against so much. Not true.

Preach it. I was once at an LGBT party in college dancing with this guy. One of the cancerous attachments to our school's GSA came over and asked me very loudly if I was "on drugs" because I was dancing with "some tranny". The guy I was dancing with excused himself. When I tried to follow him, Ms. Tumor got in the way until I told her how little I thought of her opinions about my life. When I finally did find the guy again, he was in one of the stalls in the mens' room, and pretty upset because he actually was trans. Gotta say, the lesson of the evening was that we gay people are pretty awful at being inclusive.

Incidents of lesbian to lesbian transmission of diseases is fairly low so long as risky behaviors (including ingestion of menstrual blood) are avoided.

You are aware that there are STIs other than HIV, right? There are those that are transmissible by skin to skin contact.

[mindstalk]

This strip reminded me of something.

You'd think lesbians or gays would be beyond certain assumptions or prejudices, from being prejudiced against so much. Not true.

My sister-in-law, she's my best friend and we talk a lot. She told me once that it's "Impossible for lesbians to get an STD by themselves. If a lesbian only has sex with women, and only has sex with women WHO have ALSO only slept with women, none of them will get STD's. The only way for an STD to happen is if at some point one of the women in this situation had sex with a man."

I was VERY offended (Still am) and we talked it out. But I wouldn't be surprised if this raging C--t pulls something like that out of her plague-ridden S--tch at some point...

Your sister-in-law is correct- IN THEORY. There are so many caveats to that statement that the theory could never, ever match the reality even in the most purely lesbian real world setting. Incidents of lesbian to lesbian transmission of diseases is fairly low so long as risky behaviors (including ingestion of menstrual blood) are avoided.

http://www.avert.org/lesbians-safe-sex.htm

Generally lesbians are at low risk of HIV infection and unplanned pregnancy. However sex between women is not always safe, and lesbians are just as vulnerable to certain sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) as women who have sex with men. Therefore women need to know the risks and how to protect themselves.

STDs such as herpes and crabs can be passed on through skin contact alone

many other STDs - such as herpes or thrush - are just as common for lesbians as for women who have sex with men.

Genital warts are painless bumps on the vulva, in the vagina, on the cervix or round the anus. They can be passed through contact with the wart, for example by touching, rubbing or sharing sex toys. It is unlikely non-genital warts, such as on hands, can be transferred to the genitals.10 Read more about genital warts.
Trichomonas vaginalis (TV) gives a frothy, itchy vaginal discharge and is passed on by contact with the vagina only, for example by touching or sharing sex toys.

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are rare in lesbians but if they are present may be passed on through sharing sex toys or rubbing vulvas together. Often there are no symptoms, though there may be a discharge. The first sign of both infections may be pain in the pelvic region (pelvic inflammatory disease or PID). There is a risk of infertility for women who have had untreated chlamydia. Read more about chlamydia and gonorrhea.
Syphilis is very infectious and close skin contact during sex can pass it on. Syphilis causes painless ulcers (or chancres) to appear where the bacteria entered the body. A chancre on the vagina can be almost unnoticeable.13 Read more about syphilis.
Hepatitis refers to viral infections that cause inflammation of the liver. Certain forms of hepatitis can easily be passed on in sex - for example by touching or sharing sex toys. There are often no symptoms, though it can cause jaundice (yellow skin) or nausea.

[Artemisia]

@mindstalk

That is also true. I was just cutting the explanation down a lot. I have a book called The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, and it covers STDs in detail.

[CEOIII]

Good, Sara's not thinking with the little man in the boat. And I kinda like to think the second panel means Sara's thinking of hitting this biphobe in the head with a brick.

And am I the only person who saw the two guys in the bottom of panel 3 and thought, "The sudden return of Bob and Elmer?"

[Amarikah]

Of all of the times I choose to jump out of the lurker closet, this is the one. Been following P&A for...2 years? 3 years? 4? Feels like it, but I may be wrong.

A raging bisexual here. In my times with LGBT and LDS LGBT groups, I've found that just like any other group, people tend to dislike, despise, and even hate others that are perceived to just have their toes in the water. Bisexuals are often recognized as these.

As for the lesbians that are 'truly' experimenters, eh. People cling to religious labels and drop them because they're experimenting, and do the same with fandom titles (ex. brony, trekkie, furry, etc.) but granted, the fandom example does not encompass so much of a person's life (and there are exceptions to the rule.) As long as you don't get any other people hurt in your experimentation (beyond what's fair in love and war) then props to you for trying something new out. I've gotten disrespect and respect for claiming bisexuality from gays and straights, but funny enough, never from trans people. Not ever. They're actually who I've gotten the greatest support from.

As for people that need a place to not worry--it's true, people often desire a place where they don't have to worry about offending anyone. For some of those people, the internet isn't enough. What results from that usually isn't pretty. People also need a safe place, which is often more necessary in our time than "say-whatever-I-want" clubs. I've seen more than a few LGBT groups kick out their confused/suffering/experimental members because of that perceived hive-mind need for "aggressive" lesbian or gay fronts, and that moderation would make them less respected. It's moderation (and good communication) that lets rulers sit in thrones for more than a week.

[SomeCanadianWeirdo]

On a lighter note, it seems we may be being introduced to Bob and Elmer's Quiltbag equivalents.

[Artemisia]

Hey. . .I'm just amazed I haven't had my head bitten off for some of my comments. . .which is rather nice.

[Cabbagehut]

Personally, I'm bisexual, and I've run into the biphobia argument the most from other GLBTQ people. Generally not the B part, though! I don't think that Leah's rant is necessarily biphobia. I think it probably is, based on her behavior, but the argument can still be made that there are definitely people who capitalize on the perceived eroticness of being "bisexual", but really just being in it for the dudes.

I take most of these characters to be in their late teens and early 20s, and this might be the first time where they've really been able to express their sexuality, particularly if they had unsupportive parents. My friends and I at university kind of joked about how the first time you get into that "safe" world, you go a little hog wild. Lots of people who were fresh out of the closet would only watch movies about gay people, only go to gay dances, listen to gay-friendly artists, and the "breeders" are your sworn enemies, etc. It's part of getting to know that part of your identity, and it usually lessens with time. You're separating yourself from the parts of the world that at best, don't pay attention, and at worst, hurt you.

Leah might still be in the stage where non-gay people are not to be trusted. It's an unfortunate phase. It tends to come from feeling alienated, worrying about being "outed", worrying about being used as titillation fodder for some dude (which happened a lot to my lesbian friends, and it made them very wary of girls who claimed to be "bisexual", fair or not), and being judged. Leah really shouldn't be so quick to assume that Lisa's doing it for attention, but that pattern of behavior does fit really well with Lisa. She does a lot of things for the attention; why would her sexuality be any different? Especially if she's in (what Leah thinks) is a committed relationship?

I do think Leah's being too extreme, and she's acting like a jerk, but I don't think her suspicion is necessarily unfounded.

[EagleEye]

Personally, I'm bisexual, and I've run into the biphobia argument the most from other GLBTQ people. Generally not the B part, though! I don't think that Leah's rant is necessarily biphobia. I think it probably is, based on her behavior, but the argument can still be made that there are definitely people who capitalize on the perceived eroticness of being "bisexual", but really just being in it for the dudes.

I take most of these characters to be in their late teens and early 20s, and this might be the first time where they've really been able to express their sexuality, particularly if they had unsupportive parents. My friends and I at university kind of joked about how the first time you get into that "safe" world, you go a little hog wild. Lots of people who were fresh out of the closet would only watch movies about gay people, only go to gay dances, listen to gay-friendly artists, and the "breeders" are your sworn enemies, etc. It's part of getting to know that part of your identity, and it usually lessens with time. You're separating yourself from the parts of the world that at best, don't pay attention, and at worst, hurt you.

Leah might still be in the stage where non-gay people are not to be trusted. It's an unfortunate phase. It tends to come from feeling alienated, worrying about being "outed", worrying about being used as titillation fodder for some dude (which happened a lot to my lesbian friends, and it made them very wary of girls who claimed to be "bisexual", fair or not), and being judged. Leah really shouldn't be so quick to assume that Lisa's doing it for attention, but that pattern of behavior does fit really well with Lisa. She does a lot of things for the attention; why would her sexuality be any different? Especially if she's in (what Leah thinks) is a committed relationship?

I do think Leah's being too extreme, and she's acting like a jerk, but I don't think her suspicion is necessarily unfounded.

I agree. I in no way support biphobia or the rude, inappropriate way that Leah handled the situation (not to mention lying about it to Sara afterward), but it seems to me that the problem of "fauxmosexuals" is a real one. People who are "experimenting" because that are questioning, or unsure, or just trying to figure themselves out are fine. But there are definitely people (usually women, in my experience) in college who engage in homosexual behavior to attract the opposite sex, which is the sex they're actually into. I can certainly see why someone who is gay, who has probably been persecuted for their identity and had to dal with a lot of crap, being really really angry that these other people just step into the role so that they can further their heterosexual relationships. It seems disrespectful, and even if it's up to the individual in question to do whatever they want in general (after all, it's a free country), I understand why someone would have a problem with it in a lesbian fraternity/sorority/whatever-word-we're-using-here.

Again, though, none of that excuses Leah's behavior. There are far better ways to handle the situation, including just dealing with it at a rush party where all that's happening is people are checking out the various options and will only be able to join if you invite them back.

[Freemage]

The problem isn't that Leah is incorrect about the existence of fauxmosexuals and other inauthentic behavior. The problem is that Leah has now reached a stage where she is assuming motives out of the box.

The whole fauxmosexual thing, when it's actually being done deliberately, is a shitty, shitty form of behavior. If you actually know that someone is doing it, you have the right to shun them and make sure others know about the conduct. However, Leah opted to perform that particular set of actions BEFORE knowing for certain if that's what Lisa was up to.

FREX:

If she had pulled Monica aside and said, "Okay, according to her roommate, she's got a 'boyfriend'. You might want to ask about that before letting her continue ranting about Bob Dylan," it would've been a bit aggressive, but I would've cut her some slack.

[showler]

I just wish the archive listing said anything more useful than "page 38"

T should add the Q word from each strip.

[Trefle]

Descartes Fu! Descartes Fu! *bows to Pink Freud*

I personally considered fauxmosexuals and "experimenters" just plain lying, tho; simple as that.

It may be affected to a somewhat related situation of the gays in my place that publicly advocated themselves as 'str8 and manleh dudes' while...hanging around in gay dating sites. Oi. It feels like they are trying to still make a pitfall to escape to; IN CASE someone they know ever visits and say 'OMG are you TEH GAYS!?!?!?!?' (I live in a very conservative country). Humane, but annoying as hell.

But of course, that's covering; and covering is different compared to pretending. As far as pretending goes (and people getting annoyed or, like Leah, CRABBY, from it), I can see how it can offend a lot of people (hell, I would be) if that were ever happen to occur to them. I suspect Leah had been had a more....personal, experience. That doesn't excuse her actions to Lisa, nor her general bitchiness and quick (and FAR) assumption, and general exclusivity to Lisa in any way; but I feel like we're about to know more.

[PrometheanSky]

Us lurkers are just coming out of the woodwork over this one.

I'm always shocked just how far down the chain of prejudice goes. Gays turn on bisexuals. Bisexuals give transgenders grief. trans people villainize (if there's an easy term, I don't know it) people who mentally identify as the opposite gender, but are comfortable in their bodies.

As a het male, and a rather antisocial one too, I wouldn't even be aware of this if I hadn't made friends with someone that last group. No one ever talks about it either, outside of a VERY small minority. I'm rather glad that this story is shining some light on the issue.

But seriously, what gives? You get picked on, so you have to do some picking? Every time I think I've scraped the bottom of the barrel on how stupid people are...

Don't get me wrong, I think the fakers are scum of the earth. Two reasons; it can lead to some severely hurt feelings when played carelessly, and it tarnishes the image of everyone who just wants to live their life. I've seen a number of people branded as LUGs precisely because of the disingenuous bitches who pull this.

On the flip side, I think it's also a real act of bastardry (or bitchery, or whatever you want to call it) to come down on "experimenters". Giving someone shit for trying to figure out who they are is just flat out wrong. That's the sort of stuff that will give a person a complex.

I suppose I get up in arms on the issue because I've gone through an experimental portion of my life as well. I am a scientist after all. As mentioned above, yeah, I'm het, but I did learn that my comfort zone extends way beyond anything I would have expected. That's the sort of thing you learn.

And knowing is half the battle. (sorry, I had to)

[steveh11]

Of all the design/artwork gems there have been in P&A, & in QUILTBAG already, I had to register in order to say how much I *loved* the Tetris "Things Fall Into Place" background. Brilliant.

Steve.

[Lia S]

I wonder if tetrisexuality is a thing. And if it's related to naked twister.

Anyway, nothing wrong with experimenting as long as your partner in the experiment knows that you are. Faking home/bisexuality to attract guys is in a whole different galaxy of wrongness than experimenting without telling is. Apart from the reasons mentioned above, it isn't helpful when there still are many guys who don't understand "lesbian" implies "does not want to have sex with men".