The unofficial bad day thread.

[Otaking]

My wife left me yesterday morning. I knew she was bad for me, she knew she was being terrible to me and destroying my life and left me a note to that effect even, and even now I still don't care.

It's like loving a scorpion until you become addicted to the stings. I'm hopefully going to see a counselor on Monday. My absolute lack of self esteem about this is affecting my parents badly at this point so it's not just me that's hurting. I had her take me off her FB so I wouldn't have to watch her friends and new boyfriend carve up the scraps of our nine year marriage with jokes and likes. I'm trying not to message her and failing.

It's 4 am and I'm alone in my empty house surrounded by the detritus of our relationship. Thus ends nine years of doing everything I could to keep her hale and happy and countless time in hospitals and waiting and worrying through surgeries and tests and worrying about paying for them and being her income, her crutch, her security blanket, her chauffeur, her everything since she can't do much of anything for herself.

I'm trying to see the point of tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next. I just want to go back to when we were happy. She hasn't given me a real smile in months I realize now. I took her to Sea World and set her up to swim with the Beluga Whales there before her father died and that's all I can think of now because I know she was truly happy then, even if it was only for an hour.

I'm sorry I know you guys love melodramatic posts from me (one of her friends words about me in fact) but I cannot even play this off for a second. The hurting don't stop.

I even let Zano down.

One day I hope to feel normal enough to maybe pack my shit, and move to a new area or maybe even back to California. I can work from anywhere but I find security and comfort from consistency, but this is the same thing that puts me into a deadly and complacent rut. I'm trying to FB up some of my older friends but I couldn't have been more of a hermit so...pretty pathetic.

[Artemisia]

Otaking,

There are so many words that I could say here, and that I probably should say here...they would not be the 'right' words. They would not be the words to make you feel better, but the words you should hear.

You are doing the right thing in seeing a councilor, and you are doing the right thing in trying to rebuild your life.

Just know that while happiness may not be here today, there is always hope for tomorrow.

[Lia S]

Otaking,

Your situation reminds me of the one I was in about a year ago, only I got out of the relationship much sooner.

Don't let worries about her and feelings of guilt get you. The one person in the world most deserving of your love and care is YOU. To look after yourself, you need to remove things that are bad for you from your life, and you have started doing that. That's good.

If the place where you live makes you feel down, don't wait until you have the energy to move before even making plans. Practical thoughts about the future are much nicer than sad thoughts about the past (which you can't change anyway).

*hugs*

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Otaking, my e-brother, I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that we didn't get to go. But in this case, it was that we didn't get the chance to hang out at a cool event (which I had honestly hoped might be something that would have given you even just a brief distraction), that I felt disappointed about. Just that you were willing, meant/means a lot to me, and I understand - stuff happens. So no worries, 'kay? I just wish you weren't having to go through all of this right now.

I find it especially repugnant on the part of her friends that they can't seem to comprehend how horribly inappropriate jokes and cracking wise about this is. I mean geez, don't they get it? A relationship is gone, there is going to be a hurt party somewhere in it, and that hurt party deserves some tact and respect. Bastards.

Don't hesitate to hit me up for a listening ear if you need one, either. I'm here for you, man. *hugs*

[LadyObvious23]

I'm melting...MELLLLLLTTTTTINNNNNGGG!!!! God is it hot out.

I've had the worse run of luck all day and I'm not saying the usual four words that make it worse. DX

That and my fat headed brother is still here. I can't charge my phone because I can't find the damn charger. So today's been wonderful.

[Hexr]

Otaking, I'm really sorry for you.
I feel kinda stupid posting this after Otaking's personal tragedy (I really mean a tragedy), but I need to vent a bit.
I doubt you guys remember my Happy Thing post a few (4-ish) months ago. I had got a text message from a friend I had a crush on, and she confessed the feelings were mutual. Well, the same girl broke up with me today.
She even did it with tact and class, via a text message, explaining that she doesn't trust me and she's breaking up with me. Long story short, I am hurt (I love her), angry (it came reallyout of the blue for me) and insulted(a fucking text message?).

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Ouch. Hexr, that's really lame on her part. I'm sorry, man. At least she told you, instead of trying the passive-aggressive tactic of "just stop talking to him and see if he gets the hint". That's one tiny bright spot, right? *hugs* I'm sorry this happened to you, bud.

[Trefle]

*hugs for everyone, again*

For Otaking, I'm so sorry.
I feel like any words going out from my tongue is going to be misguidedly wrong...
So is for Hexr.

An end rarely feels good. Even more so when in situations like both of you. >_>;
For Hexr, that's not good at all D: At least it shows a bit of who she is, isn't it.
It's ugly, given that you don't even get a chance to explain or talk about it..

For Otaking..
Do not say you didn't try your best-- because even though I don't know you that long, your actions and decisions? It's packed with more balls than some people could ever have.

Ignore her friends-- ignore her, even. Take care of yourself. You don't need to face her offline and/or online unless you're ready. Take care of yourself first-- and by the way, her friend you're talking about sounds like a jerk.
Do let the feeling out; talk about it, cry if you want to (you are -certainly- able -- nay, permitted, to do so). I'd say be healthy (a.k.a avoid binge and/or alcohol) but, if that's not what you feel like doing, just have moderation in consuming those.
Your decision to see a counselor is a right choice. I hope for speedy recovery for you

I can see both values of either moving on (starting again, less mental burdens) and staying (confronting some of your past there), but overall, do what makes you happy; there will be time to assess the past deeply later.

If you need an listening ear, I'd also willing to listen.

[Lia S]

Hexr, I don't know her or what exactly was in the text message so the following may make no sense at all, but considering it was completely out of the blue you might want to check that it was actually her who sent you that message. Some people do "funny" things with phones that don't belong to them...

[Hexr]

First off, thank y'all. Today's already a better day.
@Zano: *hugs back* come to think of it, last few week's cold shoulder treatment may have been just that, at least partially.
@Trefle: Yeah, that's the silver lining. I must say, I really expected better from her.
@Lia: Sadly, the text messages (we had a little back-and-forth) contained details no prankster would know. So aye, it was her, and she really meant what she said. Well, I move on. Right now I'm at my beloved parents' place, feeling like I will actually be okay. Just not today.

[Artemisia]

Last night, I went to the emergency room. I was bleeding rectally and having some very odd symptoms. It turns out that the odd symptoms were a major panic attack.

Now I just need to work out what to do about Goddard, but I want to finish out the semester even if I can't finish the residency.

[Otaking]

Trefle, Lia, Art, Hexr, Zano, Val...thanks for being my friends.

Hexr all I can say is be glad you're dealing with a person that knows what they want sooner rather than later and is not going to keep you guessing.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

! Hope you're feeling better today, Art. That's a scary thing to have to deal with out of nowhere like that.

[Artemisia]

Thanks ZK. I'm slowly feeling better. I think I just realized that I've never known what it is like to not be in some level of panic all the time, and that it is really having a huge affect on me. I'm going to find a therapist and start dealing with this.

Otaking...I'm glad you're coping and you are welcome. I was worried about you when you didn't post for a few days.

[Valerie]

Always a pleasure, Ota. <3

Relatively minor compared to some things, but I think I'm getting sick. Either that or the heat and my stomach aren't getting along. Regardless, I have had a pretty consistent "I'm going to throw up" feeling for the past couple of days. This is much more of a problem than it should be, because my next possible day off is going to be Wednesday (my usual store is closed for the 4th, but another isn't so I might [probably will] work there), and also because I obviously don't have much of an appetite, and I already always forget to eat, added to the fact that I generally don't have much of an appetite anyway. So now I have to remember to eat and make myself find something that won't trigger my gag reflex, which is unusually active right now.

In short: FUCK. D: Today I've had a bowl of soup and a small salad, and I'm not really sure what to eat now, but I know I should get on that soon. Granted, my "normal" eating for a day is usually something like a sandwich and some chips. fhjdsfkdsjfhdskjhfskhkd.

I work 8 hours a day, minimum, then when I get home, Dad expects me to start working on the house IMMEDIATELY. We had another argument this morning. I got home yesterday and he told me to sand the ceiling in the bathroom and apply a second coat of drywall mud. I'm like, "Okay, sure, let me take this soup over to Mammaw." Then I get back and check with Morgan (because he got mail yesterday from his would-be insurance provider saying that they haven't received the fax we sent like two weeks ago-- no biggie, we can resend it), and THEN, after deliberating on what to do about the insurance situation (whether to wait to see if they find it or to resend it right then and there, which requires going to a post office or UPS store), I chilled for a little bit, because Jesus fuck I need to chill sometimes, and then Dad's knocking on my bedroom door telling me I have to do the bathroom ceiling right NOW. And I'm like, "Can't it wait?" 'Cause it's like a million degrees (we only have air conditioning in the bedroom so far), and he's like, "No," and I'm like, "Why?" And he's like, "Because I'll have other projects for you to do after this one," and I'm like, "Okay, what else do you need me to do?"

And you wanna know what his answer was? HE DIDN'T KNOW. HE WAS RUSHING ME TO DO THINGS THAT HE HADN'T EVEN DECIDED I NEEDED TO DO. DFSHFHAFDAGHDFGSHA.

And there was an argument about it this morning (I snarked it off yesterday because I'm maybe not as respectful of my father as I should be-- but yes, I did complete the task last night), and he's talking about how OTHER PEOPLE also work, but they still do things at home. And I'm like, "Uhhh, yeah, so do I. I still do the stuff at home AND stuff on the house." And he starts listing things that we don't have to do. "You don't cook, you don't do dishes, you don't clean the house..." "Yes, we do clean the house [since that really only consists of the bedroom right now anyway, the rest of the place being under constant construction and uncleanable], and we can't cook because we don't have a stove yet, and I have to push someone [in a wheelchair] who weighs more than me three blocks to the store almost every day BECAUSE I can't cook yet. Cooking is probably a LITTLE BIT easier than that."

And then he starts in about "You're 100% concerned about Morgan and not at all concerned about yourself." SDGSHGDASJ YES I AM YOU FUCKING MORON, THAT'S WHY I TRY TO TAKING A FUCKING BREAK BETWEEN WORK INSTEAD OF DYING OF EXHAUSTION.

In short: FUCK. D<