The unofficial bad day thread.

[CJ]

Valerie, If you've not already come across them, the Heartless Bitches have a good analysis of what's really wrong with Nice Guys.

I've seen this--I love it so hard.

[Valerie]

Valerie, If you've not already come across them, the Heartless Bitches have a good analysis of what's really wrong with Nice Guys.

Yessss, I remember this. <3 She was dead-on. There is so so so so so so so so so much wrong with the "nice guy" ideal, and I can't believe how many people don't catch onto that.

There are men that are fakely nice and there are men that are really jerks. There are also these guys in the middle called "desirable mates."

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

Valerie, If you've not already come across them, the Heartless Bitches have a good analysis of what's really wrong with Nice Guys.

Yessss, I remember this. <3 She was dead-on. There is so so so so so so so so so much wrong with the "nice guy" ideal, and I can't believe how many people don't catch onto that.

There are men that are fakely nice and there are men that are really jerks. There are also these guys in the middle called "desirable mates."

I remember something my mother told me once, when I was 11 and getting interested in girls. "Real nice guys don't need to call themselves that, or to do things only to have others call them that." I never really forgot that one, growing up.

eta: fixed a slight inaccuracy.

[Lia S]

I'd like to point out that the 'things aren't working so I have to be even "nicer"' mistake is made by all genders (and I get the impression that for women it more often leads to unhappy relationships rather than no relationships).

[Valerie]

I'd like to point out that the 'things aren't working so I have to be even "nicer"' mistake is made by all genders (and I get the impression that for women it more often leads to unhappy relationships rather than no relationships).

This is worth noting. It's actually even more romanticized with women. Maybe because there's the traditional expectation of us to sit quietly and be super-nice until the guy asks us out?

Case in point. Damn it, Taylor, I really like some of your songs, why did you have to be such a creep in this one?

The dangerous thing about this, aside from the part where it makes quasi-stalking/actual stalking seem adorable and tragic and oh-so-romantique, is that the "empowering" thing to do is go the other direction entirely. Damn it, Kerli, you too!

So, for ladies, we can either be super-crazy-nice (read: ridiculously stalkerish) or super-crazy mean (read: violent and abusive). Or, you know, we can find that middle ground and be considered desirable mates.

(And just so no one's left out, people of undecided/other genders can be nuts, too. Crazy knows no gender.)

[Doc Harleen]

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

[Captain LeBubbles]

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

I am sending you hugs through the internet.

They will arrive in three to six business days.

[Doc Harleen]

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

I am sending you hugs through the internet.

They will arrive in three to six business days.

Thank you. I find that hugs actually do help to stave off the panic.

[Adrishiana]

Case in point. Damn it, Taylor, I really like some of your songs, why did you have to be such a creep in this one?

I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift anyway, but I can't stand that song. :E "I am making a bunch of one-sided assumptions about your relationship and sulking "quietly" about you dating that slut in her short skirt and high heels instead of ME! Don't you know that *geeks are always better people?! ... No, I can't ask you out, THAT'S CHEATING AND VIOLATES TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES. *foam*"

...Also, from where did she get my older brother's glasses circa 1994?

... Awesomely enough, one of my work tasks earlier involved comparing two videos (long story). One was a song by Black Veil Brides, a heavily KISS and glam metal-inspired rock band. The other was a song by Taylor Swift. (One of the other songs I was comparing to Black Veil Brides was called "The Duck Song.")

*Sadly, this isn't the case.

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

Oh no. :/ I hope things get back under control quickly.

[Captain LeBubbles]

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

I am sending you hugs through the internet.

They will arrive in three to six business days.

Thank you. I find that hugs actually do help to stave off the panic.

[Doc Harleen]

I'm trying really hard to be a positive person, so I don't think I've used the bad day thread yet, but after an exhausting 50-hour work week, with too little time left to study for a midterm, I just found out from my hubby that symptoms of a medical problem he has are starting to return, despite the medication that controls them. It's had flare-ups here and there, not life-threatening, but not good at all, and when he's suffering with it, I basically turn into a neurotic emotional mess with worry, which doesn't help him any. I am hopeful it will clear up soon, but I freak out and get into a really terrible headspace whenever it happens, so I'm letting it out here instead of at him.

I am sending you hugs through the internet.

They will arrive in three to six business days.

Thank you. I find that hugs actually do help to stave off the panic.

This made me so happy that I added it to the happy thread. <3

Oh no. :/ I hope things get back under control quickly.

Thank you. The best thing that I can do to help him at this point is try to stay calm. It'll be better for him and me. The last few flare-ups cleared up in a few days, so I'm hoping it's the same sort of thing as usual. I'm just a huge worrier.

[NobodySpecial]

I guess I'm an idiot, because I don't get the 'Nice Guy' thing, even with their detailed explanations.

[Doc Harleen]

I guess I'm an idiot, because I don't get the 'Nice Guy' thing, even with their detailed explanations.

If you haven't met that type, or haven't realized you have, it can be tricky to identify. My best and simplest explanation is that being nice solely for the desire for some kind of reward in return isn't actually all that nice.

[Captain LeBubbles]

I guess I'm an idiot, because I don't get the 'Nice Guy' thing, even with their detailed explanations.

It's the idea behind the archetype. A genuinely nice guy isn't going to have problems, because he's basically just a decent human being who has manners and thinks of others when he says and does things. A Nice Guy is a guy who goes through all the motions, but his endgame is what he can gain from it, rather than just the concept of basic decency.

Like, I've got these two guy friends. One of them shouts about being a gentleman and behaves the way he thinks a gentleman should act, with all the so-called suaveness and flattery and attention that comes with that. The other one is considerate of my feelings, attentive to my moods, listens to the things I say and how I say them, is polite by nature, and is by all those things far more of a gentleman than the other one. (He's also never dropped all of his friends just because he got a girlfriend who didn't like us or blamed me to said girlfriend for his stupid mistakes or spent an entire year pursuing me before getting said girlfriend, poisoning her to me, and then dropping us all like so much rubbish, so it's possible I'm biased in his favor. Erm.)

[Adrishiana]

I guess I'm an idiot, because I don't get the 'Nice Guy' thing, even with their detailed explanations.

An excerpt from a five paragraph long definition of a Nice Guy, written by someone whom I suspect doesn't realize he is one:

"The nice guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize that how viable he actually is will spawn and incubate the nice guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views, dumb-down his speech, take-up weight-lifting and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice guy.”

The nice guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend but will invariably be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion for the nice guy’s feelings or even realized that he’s interested in girls."

But, to shorten things up, Nice Guys are notorious for targeting women who either are already in relationships or are simply uninterested in being in a relationship with them, then misrepresenting their intentions as platonic while being under the impression that they deserve sex/relationships because they're such nice guys. If this doesn't happen, they conclude that this is because women are shallow and/or stupid and like to be mistreated (because they're such a nice guy).

This is, of course, different from merely being a nice guy.