[2-15[12] I wish.

[Adrishiana]

I confess that my first reaction upon getting to the relevant part was "you made out after having a septoplasty? Oo;;," which probably means I am a bad person.

In any event, it sounds like you had one hell of a rough day, so I hope the rest of your week goes better (and my best wishes for your friend's continued recovery)!. D:

[sun tzu]

*HUGS HEXR*

[Captain LeBubbles]

My BFF and his girlfriend came to visit me. They started to quarrel for no apparent reason, and it escalated to the point where she stormed out of the house and won't return his calls. According to him, it started from something I said.

Ooh, been there before, not fun. *sends lots of internet hugs*

I hope tomorrow is filled with rainbows and puppies for you, unless you for some reason dislike rainbows and puppies, in which case please insert two things you do like to fill your day instead.

[Alice Macher]

*Hugs Hexr*

I think it speaks extremely well of you that you manage to retain your sense of humour even when faced with a day like that. On top of the discomfort from the surgery.

[Khymera]

Oh, I sure hope some clarification of that remark is forthcoming.

[Valerie]

-snip-

*hugs like a billion times*
And please, tell us all about it anytime! It makes me feel less awkward if someone else does it, too.
I was bullied and kinda picked on for my half-decent English, too. (This is the southern United States, the bar is pretty low.) So I totes understand. But you know what? They're just jealous because we're smart and sexy.

[Alice Macher]

:shock:

Oh, I sure hope some clarification of that remark is forthcoming.

Um. If you're implying that I was making fun of Hexr's troubles, I was not. Rather, I was referring to Hexr, despite the horrible day, still being able to manage quips like:

The sixth one I did read with a pen, looking for grammatical errors (I was kind of a dick back then).

and

If you don't I'll blame the pills. Heck, I'll blame the pills anyway!

[Adrishiana]

:shock:

Oh, I sure hope some clarification of that remark is forthcoming.

Um. If you're implying that I was making fun of Hexr's troubles, I was not.

I think that was directed at Lisa's comment. ^^

[Alice Macher]

Yes, that would make sense, wouldn't it? I'm sorry, Khymera. Apparently I have a case of the stoopidz at the moment.

[Otaking]

"I wish I had a proper reason to feel as shitty as I do" theory

I did wish that I had some kind of trauma that I could blame

Stop. Now.

It can always be worse. ALWAYS. It really can be worse. This is not just a cliche.

It can get so bad you might have once said "Man, what a fool I was to wish I had problems, I should have enjoyed a care-free existence." However, you're past that even.

NOW you say, is this your worst God? F you and the Universe you rode in on. Rather than being emo, you instead develop a kind of maniacal alter-happiness just to be contrary to what the universe is trying to break you with. Rather than wearing black you pick out the loudest hawaiian shirts you can complete with the authentic coconut buttons. You go out and have a pina colada to go with the shirt which leads to a three way with an attractive girl you and your wife were both into. Random guys in the club come up and compliment me on how hot my wife is and what a lucky guy I am. What they don't know that this is like one good day out of the month for her, and maybe she's just bolstered up by the alcohol mixed with the pain pills, which also puts her into a sexual frenzy. She can't actually be penetrated anymore due to her internal issues, pain from pelvic floor tightening and endometrial scarring. Maybe we had an exciting time and some wild nights, maybe we're just trying to jump off a cliff together in a different way. I literally feel like she's some kind of zombie, so beautiful on the outside and just rotting away on the inside. It destroys me in a whole different way than the direct experience with abject misery I've had to think about the might-have-beens.

I don't condone any of the crazy behavior. I've never smoked, barely drank in my entire life, most of that in college. I hardly even like to take aspirin myself and distrust anything in a bottle. I've stalled and cajoled and tough loved and cold turkeyed and made it difficult as possible for her to gradually get where she is over the years but it's allow the pills or watch her suffer, curled up on the floor, crying there or in my arms as I have literally bodily carried her into and out of doctor's offices wailing and wailing in pain for hours like you've never even seen in a movie and have only read about in religious texts. Ultimately it's back to the ER, night after night, sleeping on the sink or in the plastic chair cutting into my back and trying to read and not think about ridding the world of uncaring and incompetent doctors directly. At least I can wash my hands really well. Seven years of this, usually one good week out of a month and two bad on average.

My family treats her like the Whore of Babylon. She can't have kids because of the hysterectomy, and they hate her for that. She wants to jump ship out of the pain (and the suffering she puts ME through) via suicide, and they hate her for that because she's "using it to control me". Doctors either take the seven surgeries she's had to correct various internal issues seriously, or adopt this 'oh it's all in her head' Republican white bred bull that's really prevalent out here where I live in the South. I have pamphlets upon pamphlets pushed upon me about BPD and controlling me with suicide. I have an entire file cabinet of photos and surgical reports showing endometriosis and scarring everywhere. How can you quantify and test pain that someone else is feeling? How can you discount someone else's whole world because you think it's all in their head?

A lot of her family has died, diabetes, early heart attacks, uterine cancers, aunt had several endometrial complications, leading to hysterectomy from what was all in her head too I guess. All she has left is her mom and myself. I could divorce her as we so often discuss, like we did yesterday via phone on Valentine's day as she's in the hospital right now. She missed her appointment for a psychological evaluation as the preliminary step to getting a pain pump surgically installed, because she was in too much pain to make the long drive of the appointment which is two hours away from us.

Splitting with her might allow me to retain what little I have left of my sanity from not being directly exposed to what I have come to think of as "The furnace of misery." that she produces but then I will be heartbroken, and not to mention a broken (more broken?) man. A marriage vow is one of the things I believe in most strongly in this world. My love for her is boundless and to abandon her is like cutting out my own heart. There is literally nothing tying me to this situation but myself. She is sorry enough for what she's put me through to not even claim alimony (if it were even practically possible for her to do so, mom has very limited income, my wife herself has not been able to work since high school)

I can work from anywhere in the world, I could vanish and work out of Hawaii.

I said I wasn't going to do this again but certain comments just push my buttons. Obviously. Hell. I think I'll just do this and not even read the responses because man, I have nothing but advice but what I lack is solutions and good feelings.

I have no friends, no facebook, nothing, who'd want to hear about this stuff? I live like a hermit for the most part, most of my motivation to interact with the world at all is sapped between my extremely demanding career and this inescapable insanity that has taken over my life. I don't think many can even understand this level of punishment. Occasionally internal pressure builds up and the Internet void becomes my confessional. You can't put stuff like this as your twitter feed or up on your wall or whatever it's called. Eclipsed any chance of a normal social life as I changed my entire life to accommodate this...I am totally nocturnal having been on night shift for years in order to keep the constant battery of medical appointments during the day. I moved to be nearer my family for support in the vein of helping with hospital drives and cheaper rent out here to combat the medical bills.

Can't even talk to my family about my wife anymore at this point, my mom actually has been diagnosed with cancer just recently and had hysterectomy of her own. (Caught extremely early pre stage 1, waiting for the next test result) I certainly don't want to burden my family with my wife's problems now, but they still see me suffering and in turn, they suffer.

Now it's my mom's problems versus my wife's, double the medical deluge for me and I don't care about my mom anymore according to my mom.

So in summary, don't wish for problems. Even after death it can still be worse as all you might leave as your legacy is a bunch of random raging posts on forums.

But hey, today I fixed my vacuum cleaner and made some progress on the lawn. After some raging nonsense on the net I am at peace with myself, having have done all I can for now. Eat it universe. I'm still an atheist God, how do you like them nondescript fruits that everyone later attributed to be apples? You see, I don't need excuses to feel bad, I have to make excuses to feel good.

By the way this being the tea room and all, if you're looking for a really excellent one it's a hot Samurai Chai from Teavana. My wife and I both really like it. Don't give me advice, don't give me opinions, just have a glass of that (or whatever you drink) and wish us well, if you care to. I know I've been rough with people in here.

[Adrishiana]

I don't have any advice or opinions, but I will definitely raise my glass (of Coke, at the moment) and wish you both well.

And Tazo and Yogi teas are pretty decent. Not much experience with Teavana, I'm afraid.

[belniente]

Don't give me advice, don't give me opinions, just have a glass of that (or whatever you drink) and wish us well, if you care to.

I'll respect your wishes and only drink to y'all, but I want you to know that if you want a respectful, responsive ear I would certainly be open to PMing or emailing with you.

(And that also goes for anyone else having a bad day, week, year, decade - w/e, noone should feel isolated by unshared weight on their shoulders, whether they believe that weight lighter or heavier than those of their peers. It's all lighter when shared.)

[Valerie]

-snip-

If it helps, I can relate to some of that. My husband is in constant pain and can't walk, and my dad is constantly giving me shit about how I married someone who can't contribute and how I'll only be successful if I leave him because I won't have to worry about medical costs. Also, this might be a TMI, but we also have issues with penetration, and it is so frustrating. And he's depressed to the point that, like your wife, he mentions wanting to die a lot. A friend (who is no longer my friend for unrelated reasons) thought that he was trying to control me with that-- he's not. He's just severely depressed.

And, you know, like you, I do get tired of it from time to time. And it's even worse because I'm so young (I actually don't know your age and apologize if I'm wrong about a difference) that cutting out now would turn everything around for me. But I refuse to let my brain win over my heart this time, no matter how many times I have to tell the fucker to shut up.

And my family, as I have mentioned before, is full of idiots and/or generally unsupportive people. The only one who gets it is Mammaw (yes, the crazy grandma I always mention) because her late husband had trouble walking, too. Everyone else is just so confused that I'm staying with him-- that I didn't just ditch him the moment he became slightly less physically useful. Not to mention the prevailing idea that a woman working to support a man is horrible, etc.

And I totally get what you're saying, 100%. When your situation is bad enough, you have to trick yourself into caring about the little things, because they're the only things that are any good at that point. I'll admit here that I'm a bit of a workaholic, because I don't want to be a useless moron like my mom, and because I don't want my husband's health to suffer anymore than it already does (considering he is also type 1 diabetic). I work a lot, I always do my best to get a lot of hours, and the only things I really have to look forward to every day are talking to you guys (here or in the chat), reading the updates on various webcomics, and watching Digimon or playing cards with Morgan when he feels well enough for it.

I also enjoy a good cup of tea, naturally. I like Earl Grey, but I'm all out, so it's been just plain black tea lately.

I'm not gonna give advice 'cause I can't. It sucks and we all just gotta deal with it and roll with life the best we can.
And if you want Facebook friends, you can look me up. Valerie Short. Louisville, KY. The picture is a drawing of a black lady with a blue hat.

And I want to end this by saying that it is ridiculously amazing how so many of us feel comfortable being open here. This forum is full of incredible and supportive people.

[DudeMyDadOwnsADealership]

Yeah I'm gonna just... sit here and wait to see what happens. Hopefully she'll be called out on it and she'll explain she actually met that she just wishes she had something that bad to justify being angsty over. Which is silly, because you can sulk in bed and have a bad day without being /raped/ for chrissake.

It's really only my faith in T as a writer that's keeping me from going Enraged Feminist Abuse Survivor on Lisa. xD

I'd like to think SolitareLee hit the nail on the head.
Ms. Winklemayaer is finding herself at the point Shifu found himself when he had to make the likes of Po into the Dragon Master in Kung-Fu Panda. Sadly, *BIG HONKING KUNG-FU PANDA SPOILER AHEAD* it may be awhile before she reaches the point in the movie where Po pleads Shifu for the answer of 'how' he's going to learn to best Tai Lung, and then, after so much ignoring the elephant in the room, Shifu shouts "I DON"T KNOW!!!" thus letting in the epiphany in.

Oh, and Hank, "Maya" is commonly used in fiction for a number of reasons, such as how it's an actual feminine name across cultures from the Americas to Japan, how it sounds both humble yet beautiful, and how it's perfect for a Woobie-trope heroine of an erotic romantic drama about Holocaust victims that was both conceived and written as a readable 1st draft over the course of a single Creative Writing class period. I.E, it was a perfect fit she didn't have to think too much about.

...I just considered another reason why Hank might have assumed Lisa was sexually abused in the past...OOOO if it's the case and it comes up, Lisa's ego's gonna GIT IT!

[Valerie]

...I just considered another reason why Hank might have assumed Lisa was sexually abused in the past...OOOO if it's the case and it comes up, Lisa's ego's gonna GIT IT!

D: What other reason? I FEEL SO LEFT OUT.