[1-30-12] She's who I want to do me.

[Yinello]

I don't think Sara crushing on people on and off is so bad. She doesn't see them as her one true love. It could be a good thing for her to have short lustful relationships with them and to discover what kind of partner she really wants.

As for Leah herself, I don't think she's the evillest evil of all evils but I would not like a partner, permanent or temporary, who would lie to me. I don't know what type of person she is but seeing as there is proof she straight up lied, she falls in my Not-For-Sara list.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

Do I wanna go out with a lion's roar
Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more
Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine
They say I better stop--or I'll go blind
Oop--she bop--she bop

[lilithanat]

I actually think Sara's doing better in this regard than she previously has. With Daphne and Lucy, she was really quick to apply the My-One-True-Love-Forever label. With Leah, she's just fantasising about a girl she finds attractive - which is fairly normal, and a lot less likely to lead to trouble than if she'd instantly decided that she and Leah were Destined To Be Together.

I don't think Sara crushing on people on and off is so bad. She doesn't see them as her one true love. It could be a good thing for her to have short lustful relationships with them and to discover what kind of partner she really wants.

Both of you have a point, in that we haven't actually witnessed Sara saying or thinking that either Fiona or Leah is her soulmate, in contrast to her picturing herself marrying Daphne, and saying of Lucy "I wanted her to be the next one. The only next one."

Even so, while Sara's "wandering eye" isn't putting me off her as a character, as it seems to be doing with a couple of people, it is making me concerned for her. She's in a very vulnerable spot right now, and ripe for exploitation by someone who doesn't have her best interests in mind. That could be Leah, or it could be someone we haven't met yet.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

I'll just reframe my defense of Saraphne as an important "Ms. Right Now" experience. Nothing wrong with a quick buttering of the potato, polishing the pearl, or rocking the canoe over a crush. And nothing wrong with trying out a relationship to figure out what "Ms. Right" really means (along with figuring out how you work in a relationship.)

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

I'll just reframe my defense of Saraphne as an important "Ms. Right Now" experience. Nothing wrong with a quick buttering of the potato, polishing the pearl, or rocking the canoe over a crush. And nothing wrong with trying out a relationship to figure out what "Ms. Right" really means (along with figuring out how you work in a relationship.)

it is important to figure out how one works in a relationship, yes. But sometimes it can be a bit more important to figure out oneself a bit beforehand, so one can go into things with as clear a view as possible. Right now, Sara's perspective of herself is a bit clouded, really. She's got some of the basic, most important pieces drawn and colored, but some of the finer details haven't been attended to yet. And actually, yes, there can be something wrong with trying out a relationship just to figure things out. It's how people end up with unnecessary (and largely, unasked for) emotional baggage. Heck, Daphne is a great example of it right now, she's got some major resentment issues from the break-up, and is feeling like she was just "a brief thing/experiment/learning process" while Sara waited for Penny to be single. (If I'm wrong on all the details, my apologies.) Trying out a relationship to figure things out is only a good thing if both parties go into it aware that for one or both, it's starting out as something they want to learn from. That whole thing would've worked out better for Sara (and Daphne) if Sara had been more aware of herself and less in a rush to be "safe" from Cyndi to play her games on.

Also, I myself was at one point in what was something I felt seriously about, and that she didn't, exactly. Sadly, I didn't really find out that for her, I was just a place-filler for her ex until oh, the weekend said ex got himself smeared in an accident and she retreated from just about everything. Gotta say, that's a helluva way to find out you were just an unconscious (on her part, she didn't realize it, and I honestly don't think she ever will) "spot-warmer". Also have to admit, it really did leave me with a small trust issue I could have very happily done without.

[Davidj]

It's settled. Sara is attracted to women in order of how bad they are for her.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

I'll just reframe my defense of Saraphne as an important "Ms. Right Now" experience. Nothing wrong with a quick buttering of the potato, polishing the pearl, or rocking the canoe over a crush. And nothing wrong with trying out a relationship to figure out what "Ms. Right" really means (along with figuring out how you work in a relationship.)

it is important to figure out how one works in a relationship, yes. But sometimes it can be a bit more important to figure out oneself a bit beforehand, so one can go into things with as clear a view as possible. Right now, Sara's perspective of herself is a bit clouded, really. She's got some of the basic, most important pieces drawn and colored, but some of the finer details haven't been attended to yet.

I see little hope for Sara to learn and grow up if she doesn't interact with other people who pose different kinds of challenge for her. I'm not saying that she should give her heart out to everyone who catches her eye. But a little bit of causal dating is essential here. My mom did it, my grandmother (at least the sane one) did it. There's a lot of things about self-discovery that you just can't get sitting in your dorm room staring at your navel.

And actually, yes, there can be something wrong with trying out a relationship just to figure things out. It's how people end up with unnecessary (and largely, unasked for) emotional baggage. Heck, Daphne is a great example of it right now, she's got some major resentment issues from the break-up, and is feeling like she was just "a brief thing/experiment/learning process" while Sara waited for Penny to be single. (If I'm wrong on all the details, my apologies.)

Well, I'd say that the emotional baggage in that case was entirely necessary given that Sara largely treated Daphne like shit at the end, and never fully came clean about the reasons for the breakup. Probably that was made a lot worse by both of them treating the relationship as something it wasn't. The solution isn't to stop having relationships; the solution is to avoid over-committing to relationships. But unfortunately, that's not a lesson that can be learned without a bit of peril.

[Adrishiana]

Heck, Daphne is a great example of it right now, she's got some major resentment issues from the break-up, and is feeling like she was just "a brief thing/experiment/learning process" while Sara waited for Penny to be single. (If I'm wrong on all the details, my apologies.) Trying out a relationship to figure things out is only a good thing if both parties go into it aware that for one or both, it's starting out as something they want to learn from. That whole thing would've worked out better for Sara (and Daphne) if Sara had been more aware of herself and less in a rush to be "safe" from Cyndi to play her games on.

I kind of wonder how much Daphne actually thought Sara was waiting for Penny to be single (since, if that were legitimately the case, the timing wouldn't make sense - breaking up with Daphne right around the time Penny and Aggie decided to try things on the next level and were both, as such, unavailable) versus how much she was just grasping at straws for something hurtful and/or embarrassing to throw at Sara. (And, actually, it's kind of odd that Sara even told her about that in the first place...)

I do, however, agree that Cyndi's Boobs of Terror were a major motivator for that relationship (Staphne, not Pengie) to even start in the first place, though.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

I'll just reframe my defense of Saraphne as an important "Ms. Right Now" experience. Nothing wrong with a quick buttering of the potato, polishing the pearl, or rocking the canoe over a crush. And nothing wrong with trying out a relationship to figure out what "Ms. Right" really means (along with figuring out how you work in a relationship.)

it is important to figure out how one works in a relationship, yes. But sometimes it can be a bit more important to figure out oneself a bit beforehand, so one can go into things with as clear a view as possible. Right now, Sara's perspective of herself is a bit clouded, really. She's got some of the basic, most important pieces drawn and colored, but some of the finer details haven't been attended to yet.

I see little hope for Sara to learn and grow up if she doesn't interact with other people who pose different kinds of challenge for her. I'm not saying that she should give her heart out to everyone who catches her eye. But a little bit of causal dating is essential here. My mom did it, my grandmother (at least the sane one) did it. There's a lot of things about self-discovery that you just can't get sitting in your dorm room staring at your navel.

There are many things about self-discovery that are hard to get when the majority of your focus is on another person or how you act only when you're with that person. This is why it's actually just short of funny when Sara came in all "I crashed and burned with this girl who gave me some pretty clear indicators to just be direct with, stay up there and listen while I over-think things instead of just going up to her and saying 'care to hop into bed with me?', 'kay?" (The comedy comes from the fact that her entire focus was on the "I failed on my first (non)-attempt, why?" instead of "Okay, why did that not end up how I wanted it? What did I do or not do?", when it's a pretty obvious answer in both cases.)

And actually, yes, there can be something wrong with trying out a relationship just to figure things out. It's how people end up with unnecessary (and largely, unasked for) emotional baggage. Heck, Daphne is a great example of it right now, she's got some major resentment issues from the break-up, and is feeling like she was just "a brief thing/experiment/learning process" while Sara waited for Penny to be single. (If I'm wrong on all the details, my apologies.)

Well, I'd say that the emotional baggage in that case was entirely necessary given that Sara largely treated Daphne like shit at the end, and never fully came clean about the reasons for the breakup. Probably that was made a lot worse by both of them treating the relationship as something it wasn't. The solution isn't to stop having relationships; the solution is to avoid over-committing to relationships. But unfortunately, that's not a lesson that can be learned without a bit of peril.

Uh, no, the solution is for both people to be a tad more upfront and open with their communication about what they're feeling up to, and what they're in it for. That's where Sara is making her mistakes. She's trying to be "subtle", when as noted before, Sara is a very direct sort of person. I'm not saying she can't ever learn to be that way, but she's had her best moments and times when she's just been direct and straight-forward.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

Heck, Daphne is a great example of it right now, she's got some major resentment issues from the break-up, and is feeling like she was just "a brief thing/experiment/learning process" while Sara waited for Penny to be single. (If I'm wrong on all the details, my apologies.) Trying out a relationship to figure things out is only a good thing if both parties go into it aware that for one or both, it's starting out as something they want to learn from. That whole thing would've worked out better for Sara (and Daphne) if Sara had been more aware of herself and less in a rush to be "safe" from Cyndi to play her games on.

I kind of wonder how much Daphne actually thought Sara was waiting for Penny to be single (since, if that were legitimately the case, the timing wouldn't make sense - breaking up with Daphne right around the time Penny and Aggie decided to try things on the next level and were both, as such, unavailable) versus how much she was just grasping at straws for something hurtful and/or embarrassing to throw at Sara. (And, actually, it's kind of odd that Sara even told her about that in the first place...)

Perfectly understandable given that Sara alternately lied about and refused to discuss the affair. It was a case example of how not to manage a breakup.

[Zanosuke Kurosaki]

(And, actually, it's kind of odd that Sara even told her about that in the first place...)

I do, however, agree that Cyndi's Boobs of Terror were a major motivator for that relationship (Staphne, not Pengie) to even start in the first place, though.

Yeah, that part kind of puzzles me a tad, too. "Sara - why are you telling your first girlfriend who your first crush was? That's... a little odd, especially since said crush is your best non-girl-loving friend that your girlfriend isn't too fond of. *baffled expression*"

And YES. Boobs of Terror is the best name for them, I would run like mad, too (but you sure wouldn't see me doing an immediate hook-up right after.)

[Adrishiana]

(And, actually, it's kind of odd that Sara even told her about that in the first place...)

I do, however, agree that Cyndi's Boobs of Terror were a major motivator for that relationship (Staphne, not Pengie) to even start in the first place, though.

Yeah, that part kind of puzzles me a tad, too. "Sara - why are you telling your first girlfriend who your first crush was? That's... a little odd, especially since said crush is your best non-girl-loving friend that your girlfriend isn't too fond of. *baffled expression*"

And YES. Boobs of Terror is the best name for them, I would run like mad, too (but you sure wouldn't see me doing an immediate hook-up right after.)

Some of it probably came up in some kind of "realizing I am not heterosexual" discussion, but yeah, on the other hand: "Honey, you know that girl you irrationally hate because she dresses... well, come to think of it, not all that differently than you do? I had a two day crush on her when I was in single digits. Enjoy reconciling that with your rampant jealousy issues! <3"

Red flag in front of a bull, man.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

There are many things about self-discovery that are hard to get when the majority of your focus is on another person or how you act only when you're with that person.

Sure, which is why I'm not advocating that, or anything close to that. There's a vast territory to explore between voluntary celibacy and a bottomless commitment. My suggestion is that Sara might benefit from actually exploring that territory rather than putting herself in a position of cheating on one commitment by having an affair with a woman she expects to move cross-country with her.

Well, I'd say that the emotional baggage in that case was entirely necessary given that Sara largely treated Daphne like shit at the end, and never fully came clean about the reasons for the breakup. Probably that was made a lot worse by both of them treating the relationship as something it wasn't. The solution isn't to stop having relationships; the solution is to avoid over-committing to relationships. But unfortunately, that's not a lesson that can be learned without a bit of peril.

Uh, no, the solution is for both people to be a tad more upfront and open with their communication about what they're feeling up to, and what they're in it for. That's where Sara is making her mistakes. She's trying to be "subtle", when as noted before, Sara is a very direct sort of person. I'm not saying she can't ever learn to be that way, but she's had her best moments and times when she's just been direct and straight-forward.

That's the key problem. I think that Sara/Daphne, Brandi/Stan, and Penny/Rich were fully honest, up-front, and open in their communication about what they were in for (at least until Sara started lying about the affair). The problem is that saying you want to make a long-distance relationship, going steady, or running away together work is a very different thing from actually making it work. Relationships often fail in spite of the best intentions of everyone involved.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

(And, actually, it's kind of odd that Sara even told her about that in the first place...)

I do, however, agree that Cyndi's Boobs of Terror were a major motivator for that relationship (Staphne, not Pengie) to even start in the first place, though.

Yeah, that part kind of puzzles me a tad, too. "Sara - why are you telling your first girlfriend who your first crush was? That's... a little odd, especially since said crush is your best non-girl-loving friend that your girlfriend isn't too fond of. *baffled expression*"

By Sara's own admission, Daphne had successfully buried the hatchet when it came to Penny, at least up to the point where Sara started being deceptive about the whole affair.

My partner and I have exes we mutually hate. It's no big deal as long as those exes stay exes.

[CBrachyrhynchos]

Enjoy reconciling that with your rampant jealousy issues! <3

Well, given that Sara was being deceptive about an affair, I hardly call those jealousy issues irrational.