Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Bacon!

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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Tamar » Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:10 pm

...a classmate loudly accused me of dealing drugs."

"This sounds...uncomfortably familiar," said Aggie. "Only that happened just over two years ago, in my, and my friend's, case."

"So...were you actually dealing?" said Penny snarkily.

"Well, yes. But it was a perfectly legal drug: Lethargic Acid Dieharderide, or LAD. Great for calming the mind and expanding consciousness. But try telling that to crusty old Headmaster Bloomberg, who expelled me from Belleville Academy. Then he contacted his Member of Parliament, who got the government to rush through legislation making LAD a Schedule I controlled substance, along with such substances as heroin, mescaline and peanut butter. Now facing multiple trafficking charges, I refused to give myself up and be forever branded a criminal. Instead, shedding my identity and life as Lisa Winklemeyer, I dedicated my life to stopping criminals--real criminals--as the underground crimefighter...Thunderclap Masquerader!"

Ignoring Penny's facepalming and groaning, Aggie said, "Okay, I think I see where this is going. But just to be sure: what country did you say you were from?"

"Why, the United States, of course."

"Of...?"

"Amerigo."

Aggie clapped once in satisfaction. "Yup, just as I thought. You're from a timeline and/or universe parallel to our own. See, here we call our nation the United States of America; we're a democratic republic, not a parliamentary democracy; and our Lisa Winklemeyer is the fully government-sanctioned (but not government-employed) Thunderbolt Trickster. Oh, and peanut butter's legal, except in schools, day care centres, summer camps and such."

"Really?" said the Thunderclap Masquerader. "You got any? I haven't had a good PB&J in years."

Aggie looked to Penny, who rolled her eyes and smiled. "Fine," said Penny. "I'll fix you a PB&J. Least I can do for a crime-fighting trespasser, I mean guest, in my house." She swept into the kitchen.

"Hold up," said Jack who, along with Katy-Ann and the others, had been listening intently. "You still ain't explained why this U.S. flag's got fourteen stars instead of what in our universe woulda been thirteen in 1776, an' fifty now. Or why they form a Bat...man? symbol. Do you guys have Batman comics an' such? An' how it came t' replace Shell's flag."

The Thunderclap Masquerader sat down, holding up her hand. "Patience, Amerigan...I mean American citizen. Once my PB&J's ready and I've satisfied my hunger, I'll explain everything. Ah, here it is. Thank you, Ms. Levac. Don't ask me how I know that name; I've no idea."

"You're welcome, and it's Penny." She swept her hand around the circle. "This's Aggie, Jack, Katy-Ann, Michelle and Duane. Our Lisa'd be here--she's almost constantly wherever I am, it seems--only she said she had her own 'secret' U.S. history term project. Hmph. Anyway, your sandwich, madam." As she handed the PB&J and a diet soda to her guest, she bowed aristocratically and made a flourish with her hand. "Bon appétit."

"Thank you." The crimefighter took a bite. "MMMmmm. That's good stuff, maaan. Takes me back. Really, Penny, I can't thank you enough. Anyway. I promised you all an explanation about the flag. You see...
Rebhel wrote:I happen to like Lisa BECAUSE of the way she speaks. If you don't get her, oh well... you are the one missing out.


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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:50 pm

...in my world, Bruce Wayne led the revolution.' She looked at the others. 'Who was it, here? Clark Kent?'

'OUT!!!' Penny started pushing Lisa out, again.

'Why do you keep doing that?' Lisa clutched her sandwich to her chest.

'Worse than Lisa. ... Our Lisa.'

'But it's true!' Lisa took a bite from her sandwich, while being shoved. 'Brsh Wn ttleh...'

'Swallow, first, then talk.' Aggie shook her head.

'Right. Bruce Wayne totally...'

'Bruce Wayne is fictional, you nitwit.' Penny sighed.

'He is not. He's the bat-father of our bat-country!'

Aggie waved a hand. 'OK, ok, so, identity of the leader aside, if you guys had a revolution, why do you still have parliament?'

'Well, we didn't at first, but...
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Alice Macher » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:53 pm

...after President Wayne passed away, there were three nominees for his position: Richard Grayson, Jason Todd and Timothy Drake. There was a three-way tie, and a court-ordered recount, due to dimpled and hanging chads in the parchment ballots. Then it got ugly. Todd challenged Grayson and Drake to duels, which they refused, but he chased after them anyway. It ended with Todd, dressed as a Native American for some reason, allowing himself to fall into Boston Harbor and disappear. It was then that Congress decided they'd had enough of this nonsense, so they voted to establish a consitutional monarchy and reorganize themselves as a Parliament. And then--what's so funny, Jack?"

Jack, who'd let out a snigger despite his best efforts not to, said, "Oh, nothin'. It's just, those names, in our universe, all come from comic book stories. But never mind. Go on."

The Thunderclap Masquerader's face seemed to darken for a moment, but then she smiled politely, put down her now-empty plate, and went on. "Yes, so then--"

"'Scuse me," said Aggie, "you've got peanut butter on your chin."

"Ah. Thanks, Aggie." She wiped her chin with a napkin. "Anyway, one of Parliament's first acts was to designate the Batman symbol as our nation's flag. Now as for why it replaced the flag in Michelle's knapsack, that can be explained by a quantum anomaly known as--what are you all staring at?"

"When you wiped your chin just now," said Aggie. "You, you have a goatee...under concealer. A goatee..." She thought back to what RN had said to her and Penny earlier that day, and then gasped. "You're--you're no 'crimefighter' at all. You're an evil Lisa from a parallel universe."

Goatee!Lisa looked at her watch and stood up suddenly, causing her breast forms to slip down unmistakeably, and her high collar to unbutton, revealing an Adam's apple. In fact, better make that "her" a "his."

"Oh geez, is it 27:00 already? Welp, thanks for the PB&J; I'd better be going."

"GET HIM!" said Penny. She and Aggie used their Tooniness to stretch and wrap their bodies around him, and not in a sexy way. Then Jack grabbed him by the eyebrows and, through gritted teeth, told EvilMaleParallelUniverseEtc!Lisa to go back to his world and stay there if he knew what was good for him.

"Fine!" said the villain. "I'll go. But first: I curse your stupid history tableau. Mark my words, it will go wrong." Then he vanished, leaving Penny's and Aggie's elasticized bodies clutching the air.

"Well. That was unpleasant," said Aggie, as she and Penny contracted themselves. "Looks like your bitchiness instinct was right on the money, Pen."

"Damn straight," said Penny with a smug smile. "Well, straight plus you. But, assuming EvilMaleEtc. wasn't talking complete bullshit, I'm a little concerned about that parting curse. We need to ace our history project, I'm sure you all agree. So the cardboard boat coming to life during the presentation and attacking us, or the flag suddenly sporting an Al Qaeda slogan, or whatever, would not exactly make for an 'A.'"

"Affirmative," said Duane.

"Agreed," said Aggie. "I'd better get Lisa on this. She oughta know about removing curses."


On the phone, Lisa (the real Lisa, whom we all--well, everyone reading this, I assume--love), said, "Yeah, I should be able to baleet and baninate that curse. What I'll need to do so are...
"Life doesn't wait forever." --Lisa Winklemeyer
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:47 pm

...two Macdonald's hamburgers, a large order of fries, and a Coke.'

'What kind of spell would use those spell components?'

'No spell, I'm just famished. I've got everything I need to break the curse. I'll be right over. See you!'

Aggie sighed. 'Penny, can I borrow your car?'

***

A short time later, Lisa is eating her hamburger, and drawing strange shapes on the evil-Lisa's flag with a Magic Marker. A magic Magic Marker, to be precise. Yes, they make those. The prices are quite reasonable, as well.

'So, can we do anything to help?' Aggie peered over Lisa's shoulder. '... And why does that magic glyph look like Spongebob Squarepants?'

'You'd be surprised at the number of spells the Spongebob Matrix is good for. Way more than the Matrix Matrix.' Lisa put the flag down. 'Anyway, yes, you can help by...
Can you hear me boy? Your devil is here!

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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Tamar » Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:03 pm

...singing 'Sympathy for the Devil' backwards as if it were being played at 78 rpm."

"I...don't know how to do that," said Aggie.

Lisa rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine. Do I gotta do everything my...sorry, sorry. Here." She took a grimoire off the shelf, opened it, and handed it to Aggie along with the magic magic marker. "Here's the series of glyphs I've been basing my curse-lifting spell on. Obvsly, there's no Spongebob in this grimoire, compiled as it was in Newcastle, 1575. But that's okay. Sticking to the glyphs as drawn here, while boring, will more than suffice. Now if you'll plz continue from where I've left off, I'll handle the vocals. Ahem. Mi-mi-mi..."

So yeah. Aggie drawing, Lisa singing backwards at high speed and pitch, you get the idea. As Lisa reached the last, er, first note, she gestured for Aggie to stop drawing. They watched the flag in silence for a few moments, whereupon it burst into green flames for one half-second and then vanished entirely.

"A-th-a-th-a-that's all, folks!" said Lisa with a satisfied smile. "Curse is lifted. Any fuck-ups with your history presentation are henceforth your own fault. Now if you'll excuse me, I'ma apparate over to Hogwarts for some Good Lovegood Lovin'. Bye!" As Aggie thanked her, Lisa kissed her on the forehead and then disappeared with a loud crack.

"Ah! My ears," said Aggie. "I must tell her next time to put some distance between her and others when she appearates, or whatever it's called, in and out."


Luna, inside her room that evening in local time, was annotating her copy of Great Goddess, Not Another Volume of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,* when there was a loud crack.

"Lisa!" she said, leaping up from her bed, nearly tripping over her Pygmy Puff box, and throwing her arms around her sweetie. "How've you been?"

"Busy," said Lisa. She explained how.

"I simply must brush up on parallel universes," said Luna when Lisa had finished. "Just think of the delights awaiting naturalists like dad and I."

"Mm. Delights and dangers. But you already know all about that." Lisa sat on the bed, gently guiding Luna to do so beside her. She kicked off her shoes. Luna was already barefoot, as usual, because some student or another had stolen her footwear. "Damn, my dirtyblonde delectable, you'd think one of your classmates or another had some kind of 'thing' for your feet. Huh. It'd sure creep me out to know someone out there was perving on my feet." She looked down at them and wiggled her toes. "Although let's be honest, they are cute."

"Cute is how I'd describe every last centimetre of you, my bird, from your purple-and-orange hair to your Ned's Newt-theme painted toenails." Luna kissed her. "But as to people's feet in general, I really don't see the big deal. Feet are feet. They support you when you stand up and they take you from Point A to Point B. Although Point A and five-sixteenths is very nice. Granted, sussing out how to stop there before reaching Point B is quite the poser at first. But a thorough understanding of Zeno's dichotomy paradox, as applied magically, ca-aaaaand you're making your shut-up-Luna kissyface again. I take your hint."

Lisa blushed. "I promise you, I do want to hear all about it. But in...oh, let's say half an hour. Right now, though--". Lisa snuffed the candles by Luna's bed and reached for her.


Forty-five minutes later, Luna had both shagged the dickens out of her lover and explained the Zeno thing to her, though not at the same time, when they heard from without an eerie tune being played on a pan flute.

"Eugh," said Lisa. "And Penny says my taste in music is weird. I'ma go tell your classmate there to--"

"Lis," said Luna, shivering. "I don't think that's a classmate. I think it may be a...



*These annotations mostly consisted of comments like "Rubbish!" whenever the author said there was no evidence for a particular creature's existence.
Rebhel wrote:I happen to like Lisa BECAUSE of the way she speaks. If you don't get her, oh well... you are the one missing out.


Go ask Alice; I think she'll know.
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:45 pm

...flying flautist.'

'Flying flautist?' Lisa tried to imagine what that would look like, but just ended up with a satyr being carried by a swallow. 'No, I think those would be making clip-clop noises with the coconuts...'

'... Pardon?' Luna blinked.

'Nevermind, my mind wandered. What's a flying flautist?'

'A terrible beast! They fly around, luring people in with their song, and then they...' Luna couldn't bring herself to say it.

'Then they what, Luna?' Lisa knelt, clutching the bed covering, and peering eagerly at the other girl.

'When a flying flautist lures you in, it then...
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Alice Macher » Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:54 am

...performs the dreaded 'Bard Camp' manouver."

"The...the 'Bard Camp' manouver?" Lisa shivered. "That...doesn't sound good."

"Nor should it. Because what the Flying Flautist does then, you see, is stick a flute up your--"

"AGH LUNA NO! GROSS!" said Lisa.

"--nose."

"Oh! Phew." Lisa relaxed her grip on the bed covering. Then she stiffened. "No wait, that's still gross. Just in a different way than I'd assumed."

"Indeed," said Luna. "And not only gross, but also dangerous. If the Flautist shoves the flute in hard and deep enough, it can break your nose and shove the bone splinters into your brain."

"Meep!' said Lisa, pulling the covers over her nose reflexively. "Why would it do such a thing?"

Luna shrugged. "Why does any horrid being do anything horrid? Why did You Know Wh--wait, I think we can say his name now he's dead and all--why did Voldemort go around Aveda Kadavering people? Do you think he needed a reason?"

"No," said Lisa, nodding, nose still under the covers. "He was just a prick."

Luna gasped. "How--how ever can you trivialize what that monster did to our community, and nearly to all humankind, by calling him 'just a'...what you said?"

Lisa pulled the bed covers off her face and opened her mouth to apologize for her insensitivity, when Luna suddenly sputtered and started giggling. "Heeheehee... prick. Voldemort the Prick."

Soon Lisa was giggling too. "Voldemort the Prick-less, more likely. I mean, if the dude couldn't even keep his nose on after all that goddamn horcruxing, then how could he keep his 'wand' on?"

Although perhaps not terribly amusing to you, and to be honest, not especially to this narrator at least while sober, this exchange sent both girls into a cascade of giggling. (It was a good thing this was before lights out.) Suddenly, Lisa stopped laughing, poked her head out of the covers and sat up. "Hey, Luna."

"What...mmph...is it, my darling?"

"Hear that?"

Luna craned her neck. "Hear what?"

"Exactly. The eerie flute music's stopped. In fact, it must've stopped minutes ago; we just didn't notice."

Luna stared straight ahead of her, as if moonstruck. "Of course. Of course! Lisa, you're dead brilliant." She hugged her.

"First time for everything, I guess," said Lisa with transparently false modesty. "Mind telling me what specifically I'm dead brilliant about?"

"Why, that you figured out on your own that the quickest and surest way to drive off a flying flautist is with sustained hysterical laughter. And if it's laughter à deux, so much the better."

Lisa gently dragged her toes up and down Luna's calves, the way Luna liked. "That's true about laughter, flying unsexy counterpart of American Pie's Michelle or not. Wouldn't you say?"

"Mm, yes. Yes, I would. Ever so much. Mm. Softer...now a touch firmer...yes, that's good..."


Meanwhile, just as classes had ended for the day at Belleville High, the Class of '12 Prom Committee held its first meeting, in the student lounge.

"Oyez! Oyez!" said Freckles McBowtie. And no, sad to say, he wasn't being facetious. "I hereby call this meeting of the Class of 2012 Promenade Committee to order. As Chair, I'm pleased to welcome our newest two members, Stan Larson (student council president, ex officio) and Michelle Brown. Together with Woozy and myself, that brings us to a grand total of four. We're going to have a real ring-ding-dinger of a time, aren't we, gang?" He grinned and nodded eagerly to each of the other three in turn.

MIchelle shot Stan a look that said, Tell me again exactly what I'm doing here. Stan met it with a glance that said Remember, Shell, we need you to help make the prom cool, so that people will actually want to, y'know, go to it.

"Our first order of business," said Freckles, "is to choose a theme for this year's prom. I will now open the floor to suggestions."

"What about--?" began Woozy.

"Uh!" said Freckles. "Raise your hand, please, and wait for the chair to recognize you."

"Oops! Sorry." She grinned and raised her hand, as Stan gently held Michelle back from walking out.

"The chair recognizes Woozy Woozle-Wuzzle."

"What about, for a theme...Strawberry Shortcake?" She clapped her hands and squeed. So, lamentably, did Freckles.

Stan, harnessing all his "I'm a nice guy now" power to keep his eyes from rolling, raised his hand, whereupon Freckles recognized him. "Or," said Stan, "for a theme, we could have...
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Azrael44 » Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:37 am

One wonders when Alice, Tamar, and Neko-nyan learned Wall of Text. :P
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Tamar » Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:28 pm

[Program note: Please do not post anything other than continuations of the story in this thread. If you'd like to leave feedback, please either start a new thread or, preferably, take it to PM. We'd like to avoid thread derail with conversations, etc. Thank you. Now back to our story.]


...the Seventies!"

"Hey," said Michelle, "that is a good idea. Penny says the seventies are back in style. She can totes--I mean totally (stupid catchy Lisa)--help us with decor suggestions."

"Yeah, she could," said Stan. "I'm just concerned about our truce coming undone. Besides, she's busy this semester with wardrobe for Fiddler on the Roof, I hear."

Freckles cleared his throat. "What happened to waiting for the chair to recognize--never mind," he said in response to the most withering glare Michelle could muster. She'd practiced it plenty on Stan before her truce with him. "I really liked the Strawberry Shortcake idea, though," he went on. "Maybe we could compromise and do Seventies-Style Strawberry Shortcake?"

Cue Withering Glare Number Two, this time joined in by Stan.

"Er," said Freckles, "all in favour of Seventies just Seventies?"

Everyone raised their hand, although Woozy took a few seconds to do so in pro forma protest.

"Right! Seventies it is," said Freckles. "Now, given that Penelope is apparently unavailable, whom could we get as a style consultant?"

"Hm," said Stan. "Daphne's good with fashion too, so maybe--"

"With all due respect," said Michelle, curling her lip, "Daphne's sense of style is...unconvectional. I mean, did you see that Dale-from-Flash Gordon outfit she came to school in last Friday? God."

"Mm...yes...God," said both Stan and Freckles, eyes raised and off to the side, with goofy smiles on their faces. Michelle and Woozy, in turn, had their first approximation of female bonding with their Boys! Go fig exchange of glances.

"So," said Freckles, snapping back to the present somewhat reluctantly. "Once again, whom can we get as a Seventies expert?"

"I believe I can help you there. Ohhh yeahhhh," said a low, growly, very sexy African-American male voice.

There was a sudden funky bass line and a strobe-lighting effect from out of nowhere. Everyone turned to the door to see...
Rebhel wrote:I happen to like Lisa BECAUSE of the way she speaks. If you don't get her, oh well... you are the one missing out.


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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:48 pm

...FRECKLES?

Or, rather, an older, sexier version of Freckles, dressed like a detective from a 70s tv show...except with a bowtie.

'Oh, God, not another clone. Or time traveller. Or whatever. Haven't we got enough of those around here?' Michelle groaned.

So did Freckles, but for a different reason. 'Dad?'

'Hello, Junior.' The man smiled at his son, then at the other. 'Aren't you going to introduce me?'

Freckles sighed. 'Stan Larson, Michelle Brown, Woozy Woozle-Wuzzle, this is my dad. Dad, this is them.'

Freckles' dad held out a hand, shaking the ladies and Stan's hands in turn. 'Freckles McBowtie, senior. But everyone calls me Mac.'

'Nice to meet you, sir.' Stan grinned. 'So, what's with the happenin' and oh-so-thematically appropriate outfit?'

'Back in the 70s, I realized we had hit the zenith of fashion...'

Freckles facepalmed. 'Dad, you were born in 1973! You were 7 when the 70s ended!'

'So, fashion peaked early in my life. That doesn't make it untrue.' Mac shrugged. 'In any case, did I hear correctly? Is your prom going to have a 70s theme?'

'Yes, Dad.' Freckles sighed. 'So, I don't suppose you could help. Being, I guess, an expert, and all...'

'I would be happy to, son. That is if the other gentleman and the lovely ladies don't mind.' Mac smiled at Woozy and Michelle, who simply nodded quietly, wide-eyed.

'We'd be glad to have you, Mr Mc...'

'Please, Stan, call me Mac.'

'Mac. Thanks.'

'So...' Mac shoved his hands in his pockets. 'We should start by...
Can you hear me boy? Your devil is here!

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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Alice Macher » Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:47 pm

...bringing on board a...very special lady who can help y'all too."

"Sweet Euclid, no," said Freckles, falcepalming.

"Aw now don't be a bringdown, Junior. Stan...lllladies...I'd like you to meet my wife, Foxy."

More funky bass line and strobe lighting occurred as Foxy, sporting an Afro and a bell-bottomed, one-piece "disco fever" oufit, did a leaning-over funky walk through the door. "Thas' me, baby," she said. "If it's a freaky prom you're after, then accept no proxy, 'cos I. Am. Foxy!"

"IIII have to go home and start on my trig homework," said Freckles, getting up and heading toward the door.

"Sit yo' dork ass down!" said Foxy to her son, who complied instantly.

"Uh, good to meet you, Foxy," said Stan, struggling to keep his eyes where they belonged. "So, you a professional disco dancer? Or singer?"

Foxy put her hands on her hips. "Aw hell no! I'm a detective too. That's how Mac an' I met." She turned to smile at her husband. "Remember those days back in Chi, sugar?

"Oh, baby. You know I do. Those were the days." They started thrusting their pelvises, as the funky bass line and strobe lighting resumed.

"Mom! Dad! Quit it!" said Freckles, gesticulating wildly. "Geez, you're like a couple of walking African-American stereotypes."

Mac smiled wryly. "Are you sayin' you ain't, Mr. Black and Nerdy? How's Will doin', Carlton?"

"...That's a nineties reference, not a seventies one, but...point. Sorry mom, dad, guys. Look, why don't we all sit down and get to talking about decor."

"I can dig it," said Mac, and so he and Foxy took their seats. "Now then, son. My man. Lllladies. For that authentic seventies nostalgia fever vibe, the first thing we need's a...
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:02 pm

...a whole mess of drugs. Mostly co...'

'Dad. This is a high school, not Studio 54...' Freckles facepalmed.

'... Right. Sorry, Junior.' Mac shook his head. 'Although, perhaps some fake...' The whole table facepalmed at this point. (Except Freckles, who moved on to headdesking.) 'OK, authenticity level, kid appropriate.'

'You mean "not gettin' your stupid ass arrested" appropriate.' Foxy shook her head.

Mac sighed. 'Anyway, what you need to start with...after the mirror ball, which I assume y'all already got?' He looked around the table, and Freckles nodded. 'Right. Good. The first thing you need, after that, is shag carpeting. Lots of it.'

'Oh, God.' Freckles shuddered. 'Like the van we had when I was a kid.' He looked over at the other kids. 'It was like riding inside an exploded Muppet.'

Michelle frowned. 'Aw, now I'm imagining Bo exploding. That's a sad thought...'

'Bo?' Woozy and the McBowtie family all looked at Michelle slightly confused.

'Nevermind.' Stan waved a hand, trying to get things back on track (and distract everyone from the fact that Michelle was crying a little). 'Anyway. Shag carpeting. Good choice. What next?'

'Well...' Foxy tapped her lip. 'What I would do if I were decoratin' the place, and, well, I kinda am, is...
Can you hear me boy? Your devil is here!

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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Tamar » Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:40 pm

...add lotsa lava lamps for lightin'."

Michelle stopped crying. "Wait, isn't it dangerous to mess around with molten lava?"

Foxy smiled patiently. "Honey, it ain't really lava. It's actually wax an' carbon tetrachloride. It's perfectly safe to use as lightin', as long as you ain't a fool like a certain jive turkey who got his ass killed heating one on a stove an' watchin' it at close range."

"Holy crap," said Stan. "That sounds like something Elmer would do, to get a Darwin Awards honourable mention."

Michelle, Freckles and Woozy looked at him, puzzled. "For, y'know, a near-miss."

"Yeah," said Woozy. "Yeah, I could see that. Only it might not end up being a miss. Anyway. Lava lamps are easy to get. What else?"

Mac thought a moment. "You could ask the gents to come in polyester leisure suits an' the llladies in minidresses. Or a one-piece like what Foxy's wearin'. Ohhh yeahhh."

"Damn right, sugar," said Foxy, striking a cross-armed pose.

"But..." Michelle raised her hand. "Prom is supposed to be a real special time, where everyone wears their formal best. Tuxes for the guys (and Aggie, probably), gowns for the girls. Leisure suits are...I 'unno, so Three's Company, to me." The other students nodded.

"Well, all right," said Mac. "No accountin' for taste, I guess. Tuxes an' gowns it is. Now let's talk advertisin'. You need an authentically funky, get-down kinda theme. Like, your posters should have...
Rebhel wrote:I happen to like Lisa BECAUSE of the way she speaks. If you don't get her, oh well... you are the one missing out.


Go ask Alice; I think she'll know.
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Kamino Neko » Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:33 am

...one o'these!' He whipped out his wallet, and let the picture section fall open.

'Freckles' baby pictures?' Woozy peered at the picture. '... His naked baby pictures?'

'... ... DAD!' Freckles tried to disappear under the table.

'Oops. Sorry.' Mac looked in the wallet and started flipping through the pictures to find the one he wanted.

'Why do you still have that in your wallet, anyway? You've got more recent pictures of me.'

'And older ones. It keeps my wallet nice and thick, to impress the llladies.'

'Not that you need to impress the ladies, since you got mom, right?' Freckles looked at him, one eyebrow up.

Mac and Foxy looked everywhere but at him, whistling tunelessly (except when they both spontaneously broke into the melody of Shaft).

'GAH!' Freckles twitched.

'In any case...' Mac closed his wallet. 'I can't find the picture I wanted, but, basically, you need smiley faces, peace signs, and psychedelic shhhhhhtuff.'

'Perhaps...' Stan peered at Freckles. 'We should take a break. Let our chairman collect himself?'

'All in favour say aye?' Freckles didn't wait for an answer. 'Motion carries, take 5 people.'

The group broke up, Freckles presumably going to scrub his brain, his parents heading to the cafeteria to get a bite to eat (it was Cheesestravaganza Month - for some reason, Jack, Katy, and Di stopped eating at school for a while), while Woozy started reading, and Stan and Michelle went to...
Can you hear me boy? Your devil is here!

Valerie wrote:You're in my harem, right? :oops:
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Re: Complete the Sentence II: Wal-Mart's Revenge of the Baco

Postby Alice Macher » Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:40 am

...sunny Antarctica.

They hadn't, of course, meant to go there. They'd merely walked into one of the hologram spells Lisa was casting on the campus front lawn, in order to amuse Aggie and Daphne.

"GODDAMNIT, LISA!" shouted the shivering Shelly into the sub-freezing wastes. Stan just stood there chattering from head to toe.

Lisa's face, looking deservedly sheepish, emerged in the air. "Sorry, Stan. Michelle. I should've put pylons up or something. And maybe some--"

"JUST GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, YOU WITCH!" said Michelle.

"You call me that like it's a bad thing," said Lisa with a smirk. "Not very Christian of you. No wait, actually it is."

"Lisa, please," said Stan.

"Now, see? That's how you ask politely. Not that I would've left you there anyway, of course." She uttered a few Aramaic words and abruptly her freezing classmates found themselves back in Belleville again. "There we go. Once again, I'm totes sorry. I can't tell you how--"

Michelle curled her lip. "Do you have to do that stuff here? I'm not asking as a Christian, just, y'know...safety-wise."

Lisa nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Ag, Daph, from now on all The Amazing Winkletini shows will be chez me. Moi. Whatev. Let's go play Smockball at the arcade." They went off to do so.

Sensing that Michelle was about to go into an extended "Lisa thinks she's so unique and special" tirade, Stan suggested they head back inside to the student lounge so the meeting could resume. However, through no fault whatsoever of Lisa's, when they turned into the corridor, they ended up in the Elemental Plane of--no, not Cheese, nor Soup nor indeed any foodstuff, but rather...
"Life doesn't wait forever." --Lisa Winklemeyer
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